God Jokes

• Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...it's called #Monday, please fix it...




• God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.

• The Buddhist Mafia is called Karma.

• What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.

• Why did God create the orgasm? So women can moan even when they're happy.

• Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

• Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

• The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.

• Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

• Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.

• If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

• Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

• God grades on the cross, not the curve.

• When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.

• If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.

• Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

• Why did God put men on the Earth? Becuase a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

• Why did God give Black guy's big dicks? He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.

• I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.

• If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? This Guy is a goldmine.

• Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

• Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.

• War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

• Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.

• Why did God create black men? So fat white girls could dance (and get laid).

• Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

• Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good.

• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

• WHY GOD? WHY ONLY ME? WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME... Didn't we had a deal that I never get old :'(

• God sees everything. Neighbors – even more... Tell me who I am and I will tell you who you are...

• Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

• Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

• If God hadn't meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco.

• What did God say when he saw the first black person? Ooops, I burnt one!