Funny Joke House

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Bush Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

George W. asked him why he was so uppity.

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

Hannukah Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters.

As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't, like the other one?"

George Bush Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,
“You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome
to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and
says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”
Submitted by Rahul.

Free Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

Is That Mule For Sale

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him.

Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, 'Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?'

'Well,' Jake replied, 'The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'

Condom Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

Job Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

1. When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

2. When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

3. When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

4. When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

5. When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

6. When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

7. When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

8. When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

9. When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

10 When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

War Jokes

By Kannnadasan 18:36 No comments:

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”
“Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?
Submitted by vicky.