Anti-Humor Jokes

• Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
  She had no arms.
  Knock Knock!
  "Who's there?"
  Not Sally.
  




• Why did Charlie drop his ice cream cone?
  He got hit by a bus

• A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
  

• So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street.
  They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

• Last Christmas,
  I gave you my heart,
  The very next day,
  Your body rejected the transplant and you died.

• What's red and bad for your teeth... a brick.

• never tell your BFF that they're your BFF...
  It leads to an awkward silence and then "OMG! really?" And then "Well_______ is my BFF so sorry!" That's what my BFF did anyway, wait... Hey that somehow was all my imagination!!!!:)

• there are 4 guys standing on a bridge. A chinese guy, russian guy, mexican guy, and an american guy. the chinese threw off noodles. they all asked, why did you do that? the chinese said, because we have to much of that in china. the russian guy throws off vodka. they asked why did you do that? he replies, we have to much of that in russia. the mexican guy throws off a taco. they asked why did you do that? he says, because we have to much of that in mexico. the american…picks up the mexican, and throws him. they all asked WHY DID YOU DO THAT! the american replies, oh because we have tooooo many of "those" in america.

• Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

• Q: What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
  A: We're lawyers.

• The blind guy could'nt read. So on his birthday I surprised him with Reading glasses

• Roses are red,
  bacon is red too,
  rhyming is hard,
  BACON!!!

• Kid: Dear Santa send me a brother
  Santa: Bring me your mother

• I found a wallet today, as a good Christian I thought "what would Jesus do?" ... so I turned it to wine.

• There were two bears a black one and a brown one. They hated each other. One day a fairy came and gave both 3 wishes. They both asked for fame and family. The brown one asked for a million thousand dollars, and the black bear asked for the brown bear to die. He got his wish

• A group of kids go to jimmys house and knock on the door. The mom answers the door, the kids say " hey can jimmy come out side and play baseball?" The mom says "you know that jimmy has no arms and legs!" The kids say back " yeah! We what to use him as third base!"

• Why was Sally rolling in the grass?
  She was on fire.

• I'm eating "healthy" today.

• Why did Sarah fall off the swings?
  She had no arms.
  Knock knock
  Who's there
  Not Sarah.

• Why did the chicken cross the road?
  
  Cause North Korea's missiles couldn't reach that far.

• kickass if your on earth

• Why did little Billy fall off the swing?
  Because he got hit by a microwave.

• how many jews can you get in a car?
  two in the frount, three in the back, and six million in the ash tray.

• What do you call a black man on the moon?
  An Astronaut.

• How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub?
  17.

• What did the dead dog say to its owner.
  Nothing. It's dead..

• What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
  Cancer.

• How do you stop a black person from drowning?
  You toss him a flotation device.

• Roses are brown,
  Violets are brown,
  Who the hell took a shit in my garden?

• Good friends don't let you do dumb things.........................alone

• Press kickass if your saying jokes from this website to people at your school

• Fun fact: Did you know that if all the veins in your body were lined up one after the other, you'd die?

• Boy - How do you like your eggs in the morning?
  Girl - Unfertilized !

• Goob is so gay he tried to kiss me

• Who decided the monkey's couldn't run in the race?
  The people who make that kind of decision

• Roses are red cherries are too violets are VIOLET not f*cking blue

• Why can't orphans play baseball?
  They can't find home

• How did Sally get her head stuck in a vacuum? Her mother was getting an abortion.

• What do black men do after sex?
  15 years to life.
  

• when life gives you potatoes you must be from Ireland.

• What's white and hangs in trees?
  A fridge.

• What's worse than 1000 babies stapled to a tree?
  1 baby stapled to 1000 trees.

• Two dudes walk. Into a bar uhhh......i forgot the rest of the joke.
  Anyway your mom is a whore.

• Knock Knock
  Who's there?
  The police, your entire family died in a car accident

• What's black and twelve inches long?
  A Maglite.

• Use this on girls:
  Q: What the diffrence between jam and jelly?
  A: I can't jelly my dick in your ass :P
  

• Why did the black man buy 3 boxes of condoms?
  Because he practices safe sex and they were on sale.

• why did the boy fall of his bike?
  because I threw a tv at him

• What did the homeless man get for Christmas?
  Nothing

• Its not called being gay its called being fabulous

• Yo mama's so old, she might die soon.

• At a live orchestra, and lightening strikes, who gets hit first?
  The Conductor

• A man walked into a chemist.

• roses are red violets are blue we're having sex cause i'm stronger than you.

• do u know what Helen kellers house looked like?
  neither did she

• Grandma says to grandson : I rememeber what your grandpa's last words were before he was hit by a bus, they were "Oh Fuck A Bus!"

• John died of the big c, no not cancer the c off of the coke sign.

• What is big, yellow, and can't swim???
  A bus full of children

• Press kickass if you dont know what to post on kickass

• What do you call a black guy driving a plane?
  A pilot.

• 1f y0u c4n r34d th15, y0u 4r3 4w350me!

• What's brown and sticky?
  A stick

• kickass for star wars
  

• If there are 3 apples and johnny takes 3, how many does johnny have? It doesn't matter, he was hit by a train

• Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple
  A:The holocaust

• If u hate Donald Trump vote kick ass
  I mean what freak stops a civilisation Look at his(sarcastically) "well thought plan to stop Muslims from entering America, " Police will ask them if they r Muslims"
  Ever heard of lying genius!
  

• A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

• -A LIST OF EVERYTHING WRONG BIEBER HAS DONE- 27. Declared his retirement on Christmas Eve (December 2013)
  26. Was photographed smoking pot (January 2013)
  25. Showed up to a concert in London two hours late on a school night; booed by fans (March 2013)
  24. Kicked out of a nightclub in Chicago for drinking underage (July 2013)
  23. Hosted a loud party at his home, which provoked neighbors to call the cops three times (November 2013)
  22. Created graffiti on a hotel in Australia (November 2013) Was stopped at the Canadian border under suspicion of a tour bus connected with his tour having drugs on board (July 2013)
  21. Got evicted from a London nightclub on his birthday for stinking the place up with pot and accused of attempting to sneak in his underage friend Jaden Smith; Bieber denied that accusation (March 2013)
  20. Rumored to have had three bongs, two large cookie jars filled with pot, and the ingredients for Sizzurp in his house; cops were unable to seize any of it, because it would have exceeded their warrant; LA Sheriff's department denied the claims (January 2014)
  19. Got detained at customs in Australia for suspicion of drug possession and using foul language (December 2013)
  18. Forced his bodyguards to carry him up the Great Wall of China (October 2013)
  17. Got into a fight with a paparazzo; assault charges were never filed (May 2012)
  16. Got into a “scuffle” with a DJ in South Korea who refused to play his requests (October 2013)
  15. Was photographed apparently spitting on his fans; Bieber denies that’s what happened (July 2013)
  14. Allegedly spit at a DJ, who filed a police report for the incident (July 2013)
  13. Allegedly started a bar brawl in a New York nightclub, although he wasn’t personally involved in the fight (August 2013)
  12. Peed in a bucket in the kitchen of a restaurant where he was eating (July 2013)
  11. Was rumored to have cheated on Selena Gomez, causing their break-up (February 2013)
  10. Got charged with a driving offense for driving up to 100 MPH in an attempt to lose the paparazzi that were following him (July 2012)
  9. Groped a stripper at a strip club (October 2013)
  8. Allegedly had drugs and a stun gun on his tour bus in Sweden, apprehended by police (April 2013)
  7. Got himself barred from Germany for not paying an outstanding $800,000 fine (August 2013)
  6. Was photographed coming out of a brothel in Brazil; the girl he allegedly slept with released a video of him sleeping online (November 2013)
  5. Accused of egging his neighbor’s house and causing $20,000 worth of damages, making it a felony; Bieber's house was searched and his friend Lil Za was arrested (January 2014)
  4. Accused of spitting at and threatening to kill his neighbor, who confronted him about his reckless driving; no charges were filed (October 2013)
  3. Allegedly hit a paparazzo with his car; charges were later dismissed (July 2013)
  2. Got arrested on charges of drag racing in a residential area, driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and driving with an expired license (January 2014)
  1. Abandoned his pet monkey, OG Mally, in Germany after the animal was seized when Bieber couldn’t produce the right paperwork to take it on tour (March 2013)

• "Ask me if I'm a tree."
  "Are you a tree?"
  "No."

• Why did Susie start shaking?
  She had continuous seizures.

• Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
  -It was dead
  Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
  - It was stapled to the first one.
  Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
  -Peer pressure

• Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
  Everywhere.

• What's the worst part of winning the Special Olympics? You're still retarded

• Where did Emily go after the explosion?
  Everywhere

• Q.Why did Barney explode?
  A. Who f**king cares?
  

• i am a dog and you are a flower i lift up my leg and give you a shower
  

• Whats blue but smells like red paint
  BLUE PAINT

• Roses are red,
  That much is true,
  But violets are purple,
  Not f*cking blue.

• knock knock
  who's there
  a black person
  SHIT!!!!

• What's red and breaks your teeth?
  -A brick!

• What did one Japanese man say to the other? I dunno... something in Japanese.

• When the teacher told us to take a break I said can I take a break from school

• Pastor: The devil wants to eat your happiness
  me:Then he will starve to death

• I think people should stop picking on fat kids.............
  They got enough on their plates !

• Why is Osama dead?
  He got shot.

• How many kittens does it take to paint the wall red?
  One just throw it really hard.

• Where did Susie go during the bombing?
  Everywhere.

• An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b*tch out the window.

• My aunt always said slow and steady wins the race She died in a fire

• Little Boy Anant's Latest pledge
  America is my nation,
  Girls are my destination,
  Dating is my passion,
  Flirting is my occupation
  &
  What the hell is this EDUCATION

• Q: What's a red bucket-like object?
  A: A red bucket
  Q: What's a green bucket-like object?
  A: A red bucket in disguise
  

• Me: hey its Miley Cyrus!
  Friend: oh yah......... why is she with your mom?
  Me: she told me she's going to audition to be Miley Cyrus wrecking ball.
  Friend: that explains alot

• Knock knock
  Who's there?
  You're adopted.

• Why are black people so good at basketball? Dedication and hard work

• Why do orphans only like to play tennis?
  It's the only place they get love

• What's big, white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
  A fridge

• Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her backyard?
  Neither did she.

• what is funnier than a penguin falling down a hill?
  The penguin that pushed him.

• Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics: win or lose, you're still retarded.

• Why did Osama Bin laden die? Because he was an asshole responsible for the death of millions.

• All I want for Christmas is you, lol JK, I want an iPhone 5.

• A man walks into a bar.
  He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

• police are meant to protect you, but when you see them do you feel safe or paranoid?

• Republicans are red, Democrats are blue,
  Neither one of them,
  Gives a f*ck about you!

• Why did the baby drop his ice cream?
  He was hit by a truck

• What did the carrot say to the other carrot?
  We are both carrots.

• So an Irish guy walks out of a bar

• What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
  The Holocaust.

• What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
  Get in the car.

• A black man, a Mexican man, a white man, an Asian man, a priest, a rabbi, and a prostitute walk into a bar.
  
  It was a very popular bar.

• I was sentenced life imprisonment jail for 2 years

• One day a baby cow walked up to its mother and asked, "Momma why'd you name me Rose?"
  The cow answered. "Because, when you where a baby, a rose petal fell on your nose."
  The baby said, "Okay, momma."
  The baby's sister walked up and asked the cow, "Momma, why'd you name me, Daisy?"
  The cow answered, "Because, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your nose."
  The baby said, "Okay, momma."
  The third baby cow stumbled around and made a loud mooing noise.
  The mother cow yelled.
  "Shut up, Cinder Block!!!"

• This is the best quote ever: Chocolate is very healthy because chocolate comes from coco beans. Coco beans come from a plant. A plant is healthy... So there you have it chocolate is very healthy.
  

• Kickass if you name has a vowel.

• how did hellen keller burn her face?
  she answered a hot iron

• How do you make a clown stop smiling? You throw an axe at his face.

• What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
  A jew doesn't scream when it's in the oven.

• goobs afgot

• Roses are red,
  Violets are blue.
  I have a gun.
  Get in the van.

• girl 1#: every time you look in the mirror it breaks.
  nerd: at least it bothers to show up for work.
  need at least 10 kick ass

• Why did the Chicken cross the road?
  Because it's a chicken and it does what it want's to do.
  (unless it's a fat kids dinner then it better run the f*ck over the boder)

• i am not a nazi

• Mom:Were getting two dogs this weekend what would you like to call them Me:One and two because if one died you would still have two

• What do you call a black man in a cotton field?
  A farmer

• kickass if you are a man, lame if you are a woman

• why did sally fall of the swing
  she had no arms
  Knock knock
  who's there
  not sally
  what did sally get for Christmas we don't know she didn't open it yet

• Roses are red
  Violets are blue
  Your face belongs in a zoo
  But don't worry I'll be there too
  But not in the cage
  But laughing at you!

• Why did the little girl drop her ice-cream?
  She was stabbed

• Why was the boy sad?
  Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

• What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
  They were my friends.

• LISTEN UP, GIRLS
  Here is a few tips for when you're texting guys:
  1. Don't expect a reply every 5 minutes, the average Call of Duty game lasts around 10 minutes.
  2. Try to keep the texts short, it gives us a chance to answer you during a kill cam.
  3. Utilise naked pictures... guys LOVE naked pictures

• I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

• Imagine you are in a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. What do you do?
  Stop imagining.

• Q. what is the name of kickass's brother
  A.Jackass

• Roses are red tulips are black you’d look great with a knife in your back

• My favorite movie is Titanic...
  ...my favorite character is the ice berg.

• kickass for kickass humor, the world's best joke website
  

• *watching t.v*
  "Dominos made with real cheese"
  Me:so wtf did y'all use before?

• boy: whats up bra
  Girl: nothing much how you doing underwear

• Why did a boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

• What's better than winning a gold medal in the special Olympics?
  Not being retarded

• My friend thinks he’s smart, and said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

• Girl: Dad what is better, to pass or to fail?
  Dad: To pass obviously.
  Girl: Your gonna be so proud of me. I passed my pregnancy test!!
  Dad: GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!!!

• Do you know what's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?
  A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being.

• what do you call a monkey with a tail?
  a monkey with a tail.

• Why did Suzie fall off the swing?
  She had no arms.

• Roses are red,
  Violets are blue.
  I have a gun.
  Get in the van.

• What do you call a penguin in a desert?
  Lost.

• Whats the difference between cutting onions and cutting babies? When cut onions I cry

• What do a Pakistani wife and husband have in common?
  Nothing. It was an arranged marriage.

• What's the last thing that went through the flys mind when it hit the window really hard?
  It's ass

• knock knock
  whos there
  boo
  boo who
  why are you sad
  my wife has cancer

• Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

• a duck walks into a bar and animal control is called bc it is unsanitary to have a duck in the bar

• What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
  Gloves!
  Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet

• There is a blind kid in his room and his mother walks in to give him his soup.
  Mom: If you drop that soup you will see whats coming.
  Blind kid: *drops soup* Mom its not working.

• Boy - I'd like to call you. What's your number?
  Girl - It's in the phone book.
  Boy - But I don't know your name.
  Girl - That's in the phone book too.

• Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?
  Cause he was too far out mannn!
  

• how many babys does it take to paint a house?
  depends on how hard you throw them!

• What did the homeless man get for Christmas?
  Nothing.

• Ad: Donate just one dollar and you can save a child's life. Yeah, well you just spent like $1,000 dollars for this ad. Good job.

• What’s green and has wheels?
  Grass, I lied about the wheels.

• What Can A Cow Do That A Woman Can't?
  Stand Up To Her Tits In Water Without Getting Her Fanny Wet!

• Roses are red
  violets are blue
  your moms a whore

• Why did Sally miss school
  Her mom died

• Male: I would die for you...
  Female: Prove it

• Roses Are black
  Violets are black
  I am blind

• What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant praying mantis.

• Klick "kickass" if you're fed up with "klick kickass" baits on this site!

• let the batman go cuz batman returns .

• Dear friend,
  Aliens are coming to earth this friday,
  and there mission is to abduct all good looking people
  Don't worry, you'll be safe!
  

• whoever said money does not grow on trees obviously never grew weed

• how do you make a chicken cross the road?
  shoot at it.

• And the Lord said unto John 'Come forth, and receive eternal life'
  But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

• ALEX IS A NAZI

• What did the raisin say to the toaster?
  Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

• What did the homeless man get for christmas?
  Nothing.

• How do you make a fat kid cry?
  Shoot his feet

• A man walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole. So he got hurt.

• Dimes are silver,
  Nickels are brass,
  Why does your face,
  Look like your ass?

• Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing?
  A: Because he got shot in the face.

• (6 × 9) + (6 + 9) = 69
  It's true :)

• Whats Big Wet And Green That Is Nocturnal
  -I Dont Know
  -Thats Why Im Asking

• What's the last thing that went through Sally's mind after falling from a skyscraper? Her ankles.

• If i get 1000+ kickass i will become gay........ so please dont press kickass

• Carlos has 300 candy bars. He eats 295.
  What does Carlos have?
  Diabetes. Carlos has diabetes

• What do you call a boy with no legs? Doesn't matter he won't come

• Can I get 100 kickass's for no reason? :p

• Person 1: Hey, u wanna hear a joke?
  Person 2: Yeah sure!!
  Person 1: Your life.
  *work best through text. Kickass for more.

• Teacher: "Bob has 36 candies, he ate 29 of them. How many candies does bob have left? Student: "Diabetes, Bob has diabetes"

• How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

• Me: Guess What?
  Lad: What?
  *Gets ran over by a bus*

• The admins on this site are stupid. Press the kickass button if you agree. Press the kickass button if you dont agree. Press the lame button if you are an offensed admin.

• Did you hear about the guy who lost his left ear? He hears all right now.

• Press kickass if your going to stay in your room and go on your phone and sleep till 3pm this summer

• Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?
  Because she got hit by a bus.

• Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Isn't tihs so wreid? I tnhik it is the wreidset tnihg on Ertah! If you can raed tihs pesrs kcik ass. Tanhks

• What's long and hard and has the letters P-E-N-I-s in it? SPINE!

• Why did the owl fall out of the tree?
  Because it was dead
  Why did the second owl fall out of the tree?
  Because it was stapled to the first owl

• Why are friends like balloons?
  When you stab them, they die.

• If you Kickass i will call the police for no reason
  

• What was the last thing that went through sallys mind before she got hit by the bus. Ohhh look a bus

• what is the worst thing you can do to a blind person?
  put them in a circular room and say your breakfast is in the corner!

• Why can't santa be Asian?
  Because he could never get to all the houses in the world driving 20 miles under the speed limit with both blinkers on

• 
  I bet you won't know this, I'm not expecting you to know, I am expecting you to read this.
  
  Humans kill 3 sharks a second just for shark fin soup! That is if they keep it up for a whole lifetime starting as you read this (that is impossible because they would all be extinct) but if we did and you had a life of 80 years then 20,736,000 sharks would have been killed by humans just for a bowl of shark fin soup.
  
  Shark fin soup is horrible and the shark fins only add a bit of texture. People only eat it on special occasions like weddings to make a statement.
  
  People hook them through the skin pull them out of the water alive where they can't breathe and slice all their fins off while they are still alive! Then they just drop the rest back in the ocean the shark still alive and dropped into the water alive to drown (sharks can't breathe unless they move at a fast enough speed through the water). This is just RIDICULOUS.
  
  Over the last 5 years only an average of 3 people were killed each year by sharks with a maximum of 4 in the highest year. In contrast we are killing close to 100 million sharks per year and most of them are simply killed for their fins to make shark fin soup, a status symbol in China. Next time you go into a Chinese restaurant and you see shark fin soup on the menu remember an animal that has almost the same life span as you died for that soup and his fins were severed from his body and the body dumped over the side. Virtually all the shark attacks happened because the shark thought the victim was either a seal (in the case of a surfer think how a surfer looks from below) or there was poor visibility in shallow water. Virtually all attacks are a single bite and the shark didnt come back for more because it didnt taste like he expected. The deaths are usually due to blood loss.
  
  Sharks have far more to fear from us than we do from them, and if you listen to years of extensive research made by many dedicated scientists, you will press kick ass.
  
  Thank you.

• To all the people who use the wrong variation of the word "your" or "you're" I hope you burn in Hell...

• He: Did it hurt?
  She: Did what hurt?
  He: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because your face is really fucked up.

• Why did the dead baby cry?
  It didn't, it was dead.

• "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail"

• I like my women how I like my coffee....without a penis.

• What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
  Nothing, she's already been told twice.

• What do you call a black man selling drugs?
  A pharmacist

• A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him why the long face..
  They horse unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves.

• I have a dig bick. You read that wrong, didn't you?

• Meek Mill's real name is Robert Williams and Rick Ross' real name is William Roberts. There's something up with that...

• Roses are red
  Here's something new
  Violets are violet
  Not frickin blue

• What's Al Qaeda's favorite sports team? New York Jets.

• Jerk: You live in a house as small as my finger nail.
  Me: Your socks are higher than your moms saliry

• Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
  She got hit by a bus

• What would happen if samara
  (from the ring) is coming out of
  the t.v and you change the channel Before her whole body comes out?

• Why do we need School?
  Music: we have YOUTUBE for that
  Sport: There's wii
  Spanish: There's Dora
  English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL,BRB,IDK)
  Maths: that's why we have calculators
  Geography: I'll buy a globe
  History: they're all dead anyway

• What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

• why did sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
  knock knock
  Who's there?
  Not Sally

• What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
  Through his chest with a sharp knife.

• Where did Sally go during the explosion?
  Everywhere!

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• How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
  Nail its other hand to the floor.

• why did the baby cross the road?
  he was stapled to the chicken

• Pokémon using buttons:
  Weedle: <(:0)( )( )( )>
  Caterpie:
  Y(:>)()()()

• What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
  Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

• “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

• How do you get a clown off of a swing?
  Hit him with an axe.

• Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passed

• I NOMINATE EVERYBODY ON THE TITANIC FOR A ICE BUCKET WATER CHALLENGE!!!

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  .......('(...´...´.... ¯

• Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
  He was outstanding in his field.

• Whats better than winning an award?
  Not having your family shot to death.

• Kickass if star wars is better then star Trek

• STRAIT TEST!!!
  Kickass if your strait because your kickass
  Lame if your not strait because your lame :(

• Q:What is wrong with the government?
  A:Everything