Boycott These Jokes

• Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
  A: The pizza dosen't scream when it's put into an oven.




• Q: What are a pedophile's favorite shoes?
  A: White Vans.

• Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

• Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?
  A: The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

• Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems, "Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger. Why is that?" "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." "And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?" "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." Then Leroy says, "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises." "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."

• Q: What do you say to a black man in a three piece suit?
  A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

• Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
  A: A rip off.

• Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold. I'm talking about being born a black man, and dying a white woman. Incredible.

• Q: What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
  A: Usain Bolt can finish a race.

• This brother was banging his sister, and he says, "You f*ck like Mom," and she laughs. He says, "What?" She says, "That's what Dad said."

• Hitler and his associates are having a discussion. Hitler says, "Kill 6 million Jews and a cat." One of his associates replies, "Mein Fuhrer, why must we kill a cat?" Hitler then exclaims, "See, no one cares about the Jews."

• What do you call a white guy with five black guys?A basketball coachWhat do you call a white guy with 10 black guys?QuarterbackWhat do you call a white guy with 250 black guys?Warden

• What do you call a cholo with one short leg and one regular leg?Not even a!

• What do you say when you see your television floating at night?"Drop it nigga."

• What do you call a bunch of black people inside a school bus? A rotten banana!

• When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.

• A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

• Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
  A: He wiped his bum.

• So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes." So the white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

• What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

• Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
  A: Sheep.

• My girlfriend called me a pedophile; that's a big word for a nine year old.

• Q: What turns a fruit into a vegetable?
  A: AIDS.

• Q: What kind of wood doesn't float?
  A: Natalie Wood.

• Have you heard? Michael Jackson’s last wish was that his body be turned into Legos. So little kids can play with him. It turns out this wish hasn’t been difficult to implement, as his body was already 99% plastic.

• How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek? They don't work in the future, either.

• A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My ass is itching and I can’t scratch it!”

• What is the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

• Q: What's green and eats meat?
  A: Syphilis.

• Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
  A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.

• A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

• A blind man walked into a fish market and said, "Hello ladies!"

• There is a white boy, a Mexican boy, and a black boy who are all in the fifth grade. Who has the biggest d*ck?The black boy, because he's 18.

• Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?They don't work in the future, either.

• Q: How do they know that Paul Walker had dandruff?
  A: They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

• Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
  A: Both are finger lickin' good and after you are done eating you have a box to put the bone in.

• How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

• Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
  A: Because she has a sunken chest.

• How do Mexicans take a family portrait? They all gather together on the back of a pickup truck and run a red light!

• After being married for twenty years to his lover, a gay man dies. When the funeral arrangements have been set, the widower approaches the undertaker with a peculiar request, "I know we had plans to cremate his body, but will you please chop him up and put him in a extra spicy curry instead?" The undertaker asks, "Why would you want that?" The gay widower replies, "So he will blow my ass out one more time."

• Q: What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?
  A: A park bench can support a family of four.

• Q: What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
  A: The black one steals your watch.

• There's a man walking a tight rope 60 feet above ground. There's another man getting a bl*wjob from a 60 year old woman. What are they both thinking at the exact same time? Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, don't look down!

• Jesus walks into a inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

• Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

• Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

• Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

• Q: What's the difference between a black and an Asian?
  A: 10 minutes in the oven.

• What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

• Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
  A: A boy scout comes home from camp.

• How do you blindfold an Asian? With dental floss.

• What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

• Q: What do you call a lady that is stuck to a lamppost?
  A: A lamppost lady.

• Why do women have one more brain cell than a horse?For managing not to drink the water from the bucket while she sweeps the floor.

• Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bath tub?
  A: Throw in some laundry.

• Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair.

• Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant? A: When she pulls the tampon out all the cotton is picked.

• Q: How do Chinese people name their babies?
  A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.

• What's the favorite pick up line in a gay bar. Can I push your stool in?

• A man siting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. "Oh, I'm sorry," exclaims the man, "It must be your feet."

• How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count?She has to chew before she swallows.

• Ever seen a blind man swim? He probably hasn't either.

• Why is it that skinny men like fat women? Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.

• An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer." Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips. The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go f*ck yourself, these are my chips."

• What's the difference between a pizza pie and a Puerto Rican?A pizza pie can feed a family of eight.

• Q: How do you kill 100 flies at once? A: Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

• Q: Why do Hookers wear tampons? A: So crabs can bungee jump.

• So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."

• A woman was at the pharmacy and asked, “Can I get Viagra here?” The old pharmacist replied, “Yes.” She asked, “Can I get it over the counter?” He responded, “If you give me two of them, you can.”

• Q: How do you start a rave in Africa? A: Staple toast to the ceiling.

• Q: Why does Micheal Jackson like twenty six year olds?
  A: Because there's twenty of them.

• What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.

• Red Riding Hood was a bad bitch. She looked so f*cking good, damn! When she got to grandmas, the wolf jumped out and said, "Damn bitch, Imma f*ck the sh*t outta you." Red pulled a glock out her basket and said, "Nah motherf*cker, you're gonna eat me like the story said."

• In South Los Angeles, a fourplex was destroyed by fire. A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. A black Islamic group of seven welfare cheaters, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Los Angeles gangbanger ex-cons lived on the third floor and they died as well.One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire. Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew to Los Angeles and met with the fire chief on television. They loudly demanded to know why the Nigerians, Muslims, and gangbangers all died in the fire, and only the white couple survived. The fire chief said, "Please don't get upset. The reason those fellow citizens survived was because they were at work."

• There was this homeless drunk dude laying in an alley talking out loud saying, "I wish had another drink." He then passed out. As he was saying that, a gay dude was walking by and heard him. When the gay guy came back, he f*cked the homeless guy and put three dollars in his pocket. The homeless dude woke up later and found the money, ran to the liquor store, and said, "Give me the cheapest half of pint you have," and went back to his spot, drunk it and passed out again. The gay dude came back, f*cked the homeless dude again, and left five dollars. He ran back to the liquor store and said, "Give me the cheapest pint you have," and went back to his spot. The gay dude came back again. Once he saw the homeless man passed out, he f*cked him again and left eight dollars The homeless dude woke up and realized he had some more money. He ran back to the liquor store, and before he could say a word, the owner said, "I know, you want the cheapest pint you can get," and the homeless dude said, "No, give me the most expensive half you got. That cheap liquor is tearing my ass up."

• Here is a pick up line. "Hey girl, come sit on my lap and we could talk about the first thing that pops up."

• The tenderest love is between two homosexual men with hemorrhoids.

• Well, I was just thinking about all the possible things that could make the new president comfortable in the White House. Putting graffiti on the walls of the White House that says, "Cheney was here," or changing the president's theme from "Hail to the Chief," to the Jeffersons' show's theme song, "We're moving on up."

• The difference between like and love is spit and swallow.

• Q: Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
  A: Because he's black.

• The myth about blacks having big penises is true. Asians have small eyes because you have to squint to see their penis.

• Q: In a circle of lesbians, how can you tell which one is the toughest and roughest?
  A: She's the one who rolls her own tampons and kick-starts her vibrator.

• What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair? Nothing. Push them both over and keep on eating.

• Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a bl*wjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too f*ckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

• What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

• I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"