Flirty Jokes

• Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?




• How about we do some peer-to-peer sharing? Your domain or mine?

• What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? Her: What? You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

• I didn't know angels could fly so low.

• You smell like trash..... Can I take you out?

• Hey baby, what's your resonance frequency?

• Your smile must be a black hole, nothing can escape its pull.

• I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

• I think I've discovered my supersymmetric partner.

• Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?

• You must be a magnetic monopole because all I get from you is attraction.

• Do you raise chickens? Because you raise my cock.

• Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.

• Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.

• Looking at you is getting my dick harder than Chuck Norris

• Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better.

• Are you the square root of -1? Because you can't be real.

• You're sweeter than 3.14

• Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!

• Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry gave you a tan.

• Approach a woman in a bar and whisper "Hey, wanna get out of here?" If she says yes, you can sit where she was.

• It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!

• S.I.N.G.L.E...sexy! innocent! naughty! gorgeous! lustful! exciting!

• Might I integrate your curves tonight?

• I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number.

• Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?

• I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

• Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.

• It's hunting season and fox like you shouldnt be out in the open!

• What is live? Life is love. Whats love? Love is kissing. Whats kissing? Come here and I show you.

• Screw the nice list, I've got you on my "nice and naughty list!

• Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.

• If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

• Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future.

• "Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."

• Is your name Summer? ‘Coz you're HOT!

• Why does a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop.

• What's the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? Can I push your stool in?

• If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

• You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.

• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

• Are you Greek (If No) are you sure cause you look like a goddess to me?

• Every function without you will always be void of love.

• You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow.

• Wanna get together and test the spring potential of my mattress?

• You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list.

• Hey baby, if I supply the voltage and you some resistance, imagine the current we can make together.

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

• Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.

• I sent an angel to watch over you last night but he came back saying he can't watch porn...

• Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

• Hey baby, there's an OverflowException in my pants, care to handle it for me?

• Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

• I'm the flower, you're the bee. Why don't you suck the sweet pollen right out of me?

• If I followed you home, would you keep me?

• Wanna measure the coefficient of static friction between us?

• I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And..

• Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I'll give you sudo access.

• According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.

• Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

• They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

• My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

• Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.

• Boy: Have u ever been fishing before Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!

• If I can't buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

• Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?

• "Hi, I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?"

• I'm being managed by Don King again

• Hey baby, I'm a power source, and you're the kind of resistor i'd like to deliver my load to.

• My idea of flirting is giving a girl 1 of my 10 tacos.

• Are your pants from outer space or is your butt just out of this world?

• Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

• Santa's lap isn't the only place wishes come true.

• Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

• I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!

• If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.

• Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.

• Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

• If i was the Grinch, I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you.

• If you want to hide your face, go out naked.

• Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"

• Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?

• I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

• Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.

• How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?

• Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?

• You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

• You give me Epsilon, I give you Delta. Together, we find limits.

• Its girls like u that cause global warming!

• How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?

• I can feel the gluons being exchanged between us.

• You and Me = Grand Unification

• Want to take a look at my benefit package?

• My love for you is like dividing by zero - it cannot be defined.

• Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.

• I'll get you wetter than a Scottish summer.

• I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.

• Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

• You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass.

• Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe

• Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty.

• Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

• Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

• Do you wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull something out of my pants!

• Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they're 100% off,

• There's something actionable in your pants.

• You were beautiful in my dreams, but a fucking nightmare in reality.

• Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

• Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

• There's a easter parade in my pants...wanna go?

• What's your amplitude for charm-strange mixing?

• I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

• If you were a basketball, could I drive you, and lay you up?

• Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.

• Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

• You're so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.

• I bet we can get into some serious Treble together.

• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

• Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s

• I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?

• Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.

• Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious

• Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u

• If you were a pole I would dance all over you.

• Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

• A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

• [man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants!

• Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"

• Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash. Mind if we shared a cab home?

• Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.

• I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

• Did it hurt when you fell down from Heaven?

• Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardware.

• Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.

• If you were a browser, you'd be called FireFoxy.

• Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!

• You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

• You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.

• I thought you'd be flattered that my dog found your leg so attractive.

• You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.

• I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.

• Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.

• Anyone have any sex laying around they're not using I could borrow?

• You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

• Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

• Life's a jungle let's go to your place and fuck like animals!

• For my next trick I need a condom and a volunteer...

• My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

• Baby, you've bought yourself a cruise on the Love Boat. I'll be your captain.

• What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!"

• If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

• I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me.

• I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

• You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon

• Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again.

• If we were stranded in a desert and a snake bit my penis, would you suck the poison out?

• You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.

• You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.

• Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.

• If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?

• We must be subatomic particles, because I feel strong force between us.

• I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.

• Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.

• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"

• Dont stop! I dont usually get to see beauty in motion

• I'd like to think inside your box.

• Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.

• Are you a sheep cause your body is unbaaaaalievable

• I've got my ion you, baby!

• Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!

• I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.

• That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you!

• Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!

• Darling, you are the most beautiful woman in this party! Did you invite these guests on purpose?

• Girl, if you were a camel, I'd hump you!

• I used to think love() was abstract, until you implemented it in MyHeart.

• Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!

• If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.

• Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.

• My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

• There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home

• You're more special than relativity.

• You are my methods. I am nothing without you.

• I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.

• I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day.

• Let's convert our potential energy into kinetic energy.