People Jokes

• Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...




• People come and go but birthdays do accrue.

• People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.

• If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it?

• Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

• People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

• There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

• Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

• There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

• If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.

• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

• Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

• Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

• Some people prefer their women young and tender; I prefer mine ten and younger.

• Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

• Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

• In my spare time I like to read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people.

• Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

• Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

• If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.

• Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

• Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...

• What did one ghost say to another ghost? "Do you believe in people?"

• People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

• If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.

• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

• According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

• Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

• If I've learned anything in life, it's that not enough people are at a loss for words.

• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

• There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...

• Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

• Five Secrets of Successful People:1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets

• I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!

• Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

• Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

• Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...

• Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

• If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.

• People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

• At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

• I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn't have internet.

• Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".

• Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

• Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

• 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

• Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!

• Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people.

• People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.

• It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...

• Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• Some people only gets called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.

• When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

• There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

• There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.

• Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!

• The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

• Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

• I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.

• Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

• The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.

• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

• Cannibals like to meat people.