Pop Culture Jokes

• Q: What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
  A: They both probe Uranus and wipe out Klingons.




• Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
  A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

• Q: What do you call an ocean voyage where everyone stays in the closet?
  A: A Tom Cruise.

• Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? To visit Pluto.

• Q: What computer sings the best?
  A: A Dell.

• The New Jersey 'Tanning Mom' has recently create a doll and called it the 'Tanorexia' doll. The doll was so ugly, it turned Ken gay.

• Q: What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
  A: Usain Bolt can finish a race.

• Knock, knock.
  Who's there?
  Joanna.
  Joanna who?
  Joanna build a snowman?

• Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
  A: Because he neverlands.

• Q. Five gay guys are walking down the street; which way do they turn? A. One Direction.

• Did you hear about Whitney Houston's funeral? The line leading to the coffin stretched into the street. A few people showed up too.

• How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach? You look for the sesame seed buns!

• Yo mama so old, she knew 50 Cent when he was only a quarter.

• Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

• Q: How does a woman have safe sex in Detroit?
  A: She locks the car doors.

• Q: What is the Mexican version of One Direction?
  A: Juan Direction.

• What is the differece between Han Solo and Chewbacca? One's a hairy and inaudible man and the other one's Chewbacca.

• Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

• Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?
  A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

• Why did LaBron James skip college? Because he would never make it to the finals!

• Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks?
  A: Silicon Valley.

• "Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era." - Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

• Why did LeBron cross the road? To put the hammer down!

• I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, now it’s a Ford Focus.

• I asked my three year old grandson Malachi what his name was, he replied, "Spiderman." I said, "Malachi, what is your real name?" He replied, "Peter Parker."

• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

• Chuck Norris is only afraid of one man! A man so crazy the crazy house won't take him! A man so tough when you look at him you get a bruise! A man so strong the Hulk and Superman lost to him in an arm wrestling match! And he is the only man to give Freddy Kruger nightmares! Who is this mystery man? Well some say he is a myth, some say he's a legend and some say he doesn't even exist. He is none other than Chuck Norris' reflection!

• Q: Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
  A: Because Donald ducked!

• Q: What is Rodney King's least favorite band?
  A: The Police.

• Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. - Pluto

• Q: What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?
  A: Nah, mastay.

• Q: What is the difference between the American flag and American Idol?
  A: The American flag actually has stars.

• Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
  A: One is pale, dangerous to children, and made of plastic. The other one is a plastic bag.

• The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

• How much coke has Charlie Sheen snorted? Enough to kill two and a half men.

• Yo mama so ugly she's the reason Sonic runs fast.

• Yo momma is so fat Miley Cyrus uses her as a wreaking ball.

• Q: Why does Micheal Jackson like twenty six year olds?
  A: Because there's twenty of them.

• So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"

• What's the difference between Tiger Woods and the Titanic?Only 15,000 people went down on the Titanic.

• Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone. He is now playing the whore-Monica.

• Q: What is the difference between OJ Simpson and the Lion King?
  A: The Lion King is an African lion and OJ is a lyin' African.

• I surf the web a lot, and I guess I was using too much bandwidth, because the other day I got an automated phone call from my service provider. It was The Rolling Stones singing, "Hey, you. Get off of my cloud!"

• Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

• Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

• Tiger Woods plays 18 holes. Both on and off the golf course.

• The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"

• Yo mama so ugly the Walking Dead wouldn't walk with her.

• What type of meat does Lady GaGa eat? Raw raw raw huh haa!

• Q: What do you call 5 gay guys walking straight?
  A: One Direction.

• When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

• Yo mama so nasty I told her to do the robot and now R2-D2 has crabs!

• Q: What did the Black Eyed Peas do at Wiz Khalifa's costume party?
  A: They dressed up in black and yellow, black and yellow, and said, "I'm a bee, I'm a bee, I'm a I'm a I'm a bee!"

• Q: How did the frog die?
  A: He Kermit suicide.

• Q: Do you know who was the first black guy to admit he is the father?
  A: Darth Vader.

• How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke'r Face.

• Fe = Iron.
  Male = Man.
  Fe + Male = Iron Man.
  I have been having sex with Iron Man.

• Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table?
  A: "Use the fork, Luke."

• Does anyone remember the Swatch, a watch made in Switzerland? Thank god Croatia didn't come up with the idea first. Just imagine if someone were to ask you what time is it? "Oh pardon me while I look at my crotch."

• Celine Dion walks in a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

• Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
  A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

• The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."

• Yo mamma is so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

• What's green and sings? Britney Spearagus.

• Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
  
  
  
  Fo' drizzle.

• Why is Ray Charles happy? Because he doesn't know he's black.

• It's a little unfair that Mike Vick is looked down upon for dog fighting, and The Mario Bros. are celebrated from taking mushrooms and turtle bashing.

• Q: What show do cows love to watch while they're eating?
  A: Graze Anatomy.

• Q: What do you call an deep sea Transformer?
  A: Octopus Prime!

• Q: What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?
  A: Finnish Hymn!

• Q: What kind of wood doesn't float?
  A: Natalie Wood.

• After listening to some of Whitney Houston's last, raspy performances, it was pretty clear she didn't end her career on "high" note...or did she? Tox report still pending.

• I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

• Elton John used to work at the sperm bank, but he was fired for drinking on the job.

• Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
  A: Dr. Dre!

• You may know Jose Ferrer and Miguel Ferrer, but do you know he had a not so famous brother Gaspin Ferrer?

• I don't really like watching basketball, I just watch it to find out who the next member of the Kardashian family will be.

• The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!

• 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.

• Q: What's the difference between Tom Cruise and a tuxedo?
  A: One comes out of the closet on special occasions and the other is a tuxedo.

• Q: Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?
  A: Because she'll let it go!

• The Tiger Woods short story using every nominated film of the 2010 Oscars. "We all thought Tiger Woods was a Serious Man. Then, last November he really screwed Up. Those Inglorious Basterds all came forward, not from District 9, but from the red light district. Tiger got caught from The Blind Side with his pants down. His Precious world then entered The Hurt Locker. He received An Education in Mississippi on Sex Addiction where he was told even as an Avatar, it’s still considered Cheating! After all this, his golf career is Up in the Air."

• When you combine "Red Dawn" with "Blue Velvet," do you get "Purple Rain"?

• Q: Why did Miley and Liam break up?
  A: It just wasn't twerking.

• Q: What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas dinner?
  A: Roast twerky!

• Yo mama so ugly the Terminator said, "I won't be back."

• What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?They both come on little white crackers.

• Q: Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers?
  A: Because they can't even!

• What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat? Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!

• "Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room." — Phyllis Diller

• Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?
  
  A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

• * Put the past behind you, unless you're a time traveler.
  
  * Remember that only James Bond lives twice. You only live once.
  
  * Time makes fools of us all. However, you can't make a fool of time.
  
  * You sometimes get what you want. You can't always get what you need.

• It doesn't matter what color the cup is, just DO NOT give it to the "two girls"

• Yo mama is so fat when Jabba's guard pushed her into the sarlacc pit, it choked to death.

• I hear OJ Simpson is working on a stand up act in jail, apparently he kills everytime.

• Yo momma so stupid she thought Bruno Mars was a planet.

• Curiosity killed the cat. Michael Vick killed the dog.

• What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyoncè.

• Q: How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
  A: Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

• Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
  A: Look for the fresh prints.

• How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
  
  You follow the fresh prints.

• Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
  A: Santa stops after three hos.

• I wonder what Edward Scissorhands thinks of touchscreen technology.

• Remember that watch from Switzerland? The Swatch! Thank God Croatia didn't come out with a watch of their own. "Hey what time is it?" "Oh hold on let me take a look at my Crotch."

• Charles Dickens walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

• Yo momma's so fat, the Hogwarts Sorting Hat put her in all 4 houses!