Two blondes are walking down the street.
One of the blondes gets a pocket mirror out to see how she's looking.
She says to her friend. "I recognise that person in the mirror"
Her friend says, "Let me have a look"
Then replies "Of course you do its me.
One day a blonde was driving down the highway when she saw another blonde on the side of the road trying to row in a boat. The blonde pulled over and said "You know it's people like you that give us blondes a bad name, if I knew how to swim I'd come out there and kick your ass".
This joke was submitted by:
Chris McDonaldA blonde, brunette and red head escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three heshin bags. They all jumped in.
The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three heshin bags.
One copper goes to the other "Kick the heshin bags to make sure nothing's in them"So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with the brunette and kicked it.
The brunette said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next heshin bag.
The copper kicked the second heshin bag with the red head in it.
The red head said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third heshin bag thinking a dog was in the second one.The copper kicked the third heshin bag with the blonde in it.
And the blonde said "Potatoes".
This joke was submitted by:
Lenny_87A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says: "In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
A blonde was speeding down a highway 'til a cop pulled her over.
He asked if he could see her driver's license.
She turned away and started looking for it. While she was looking the cop started unzipping his fly.
The blonde finally found it and turned back around, she saw his zipper down and said "is this another one of those alchohol breath tests."
Q .. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A .. I'll tell you tomorrow.Q .. Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
A .. She lost the recipe.Q .. How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?
A .. With a thought.Q .. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A .. The noise gave her a headache.Q .. How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work?
A .. She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.Q .. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A .. Perri-air.Q .. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A .. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.Q .. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A .. When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!Q .. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A .. She missed.Q .. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A .. Data transfer.The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on...
She replied, "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers!!"
Q .. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A .. They're too hard to peel.Q .. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A .. Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.Q .. Why does it work?
A .. "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"Q .. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A .. You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.Q .. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A .. Proofreading.Q .. Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A .. For throwing out the W's.Q .. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A .. Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.Q .. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A .. To keep from bruising their ears.Q .. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A .. So she could keep the refrigerator cold.Q .. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A .. Her IQ goes up!Q .. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A .. Bigfoot has been spotted.Q .. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A .. Reservations.Q .. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A .. A visitor.Q .. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A .. Gifted!Q .. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A .. An interpreter.Q .. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A .. A Space Invader.Q .. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A .. Branch Manager.Q .. What do you call a smart blond?
A .. A golden retriever.Q .. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A .. "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"One day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop.
About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much for your black dildos?"
The guy says "30 bucks"
"And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady.
Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white"
So she takes the black one and leaves.
A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks "How much for your white dildos?"
The man responds "30 bucks"
She asks "And how much for your black dildos?"
"30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" replies the man.
So she takes the white one leaves.
About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks "How much are your dildos?"
The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks"
Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask "How much for that plaid one?"
The man responds "Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250"
The blonde agrees and takes it.
Later that day the boss come back and asks "So what did you sell today?"
The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and your thermous flask for $250!"
OUCH!
This joke was submitted by:
Courtney BornA young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Q .. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A .. The cow fell on her.Q .. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A .. Bobbing for french fries.Q .. Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?
A .. She kept seeing signs that read "stop clean bathroom".Q .. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A .. Frosted Flakes.Q .. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A .. There's white-out on the screen.Q .. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A .. There's writing on the white-out.Q .. How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A .. There is a stamp on it.Q .. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A .. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.Q .. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A .. You can park in the handicap zone.Q .. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A .. It takes too long to retrain them.Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.
Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing.
Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on.
The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, her head just inches from the ground... catastrophe seconds away.
She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden.........
Frank, the Wal-Mart door man, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting around trying to compare their boyfriends to brands of pop.
The redhead said "My boyfriend is like 7-up. He is seven inches long and he is always up."
The brunette said "My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew. He loves to do it in the Mountains all the time."
The blonde said "My boyfriend is like Jack Daniels."
The brunette cut in "You cant use Jack Daniels. Thats a hard liquor."
A smile crossed the blondes face. "I know"
There's this blonde.
She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. She looks at the blonde woman's ticket and tells the blonde; "ma'am you can't sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class. please move to the back of the plane"
The blonde replies "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica"
So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde's response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened. so he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane.
She then responds "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica".
So the two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on. He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear.
The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane. They looked at each other and then the co-pilot and asked him what he told her.
The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them "oh, this happened a while back with someone else. I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn't going to Jamaica".
Q .. How do blonde braincells die?
A .. Alone.Q .. How do you brainwash a blonde?
A .. Give her a douche and shake her upside down.Q .. How do you drown a blond?
A .. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.Q .. How do you drown a blond?
A .. Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.Q .. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A .. Flattered.Q .. How do you confuse a blonde?
A .. You don't. They're born that way.Q .. Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A .. She didn't know what number came first.Q .. What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A .. Divorced.Q .. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A .. She threw it off a cliff.Q .. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A .. She fell out of the tree.Q .. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A .. Knock on the door.Q .. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A .. The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".Q .. What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A .. A blonde at a blinking red light.Q .. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A .. A blonde parade.Q .. What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A .. They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.Q .. What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A .. Third grade.Q .. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A .. You keep hearing about them, but never see any.Q .. How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A .. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A .. Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener."
This joke was submitted by:
Chris McDonaldTwo friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to
see her boyfriend buying flowers.She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
flowers again."The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the
big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"
Then she suddenly dissapearred foreverOne day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor askes her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."
"The bastard called again"
One day a blonde walks into a car shop. She looks around to see if she can find the perfect car for herself.
She finds a beautiful car with fine leather, but as she bends over to feel it she lets out a fart!
She looks around to see if anyone noticed, but as she turns she sees the sales guy is behind her so she askes him "How much is this car"
He replies back "Miss, If you farted just by touching the leather you're going to shit yourself when hear the price!"
This joke was submitted by:
Jr JayA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
Quietly the guy on the stool next to him, leans over and says "You should know that the bartender is blonde and so is the bouncer. Plus I myself am blonde and there are two blonde football players sitting on your right. Now go ahead and tell your joke."
"Oh no..." replied the blind guy. "I'm not telling it and have to explain it 5 times"
A Blonde and a Brunette were in an elevator with a man. They both noticed he had some dandruff on his shirt, but were too nice to say anything to him about it.
Once he finally got out two floors later, the Brunette said, "Wow, somebody should give that man some Head n Shoulders" and the Blonde replied, "How do you give shoulders?"
A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde get captured and are placed before a firing squad.
They are about to be executed and the brunette says "Look...Hurricane" and points to her left while she gets away.
The redhead girl says "Look...Tornado", points and gets away.
Finally the blonde tries to do the same thing she says "FIRE"
This joke was submitted by:
Aaron ColungaThree construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
Q .. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A .. The back of her head.Q .. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A .. Artificial intelligence.Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A .. Pull the pin and throw it back.Q .. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A .. They're both empty from the neck up.Q .. What does a blonde owl say?
A .. What, what?Q .. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A .. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."Q .. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A .. To see what was on the other side.Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".Q .. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A .. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.Q .. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."
A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over.
The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No".
So he radios the station and asks what to do.
The cop at the station says "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvet?" and the cop replies "Yes".
So the other cop says "What you do is tell her to get out of the car and pull out your dick as you walk up to her".
So the cop does exactlly what the other cop says. The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his dick.
The blond "sighs" and says please not another breathalizer test.
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
Q .. What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A .. A blonde trying to put it out.Q .. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A .. To get chocolate milk.Q .. What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A .. A dumb terminal.Q .. Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A .. So brunettes can understand them.Q .. How did the blond burn her ear?
A .. The phone rang while she was ironing.Q .. There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
A .. The sign said "must be 18 to enter".Q .. Why are there no brunette jokes?
A .. Because blondes would have to think them up.Q .. How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A .. She places the box in the microwave and looks for the "instant pudding setting" button.Q .. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
A .. When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.Q .. What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A .. A case of empties.A blonde a brunett and a red haired women are all stranded on a desert island.
They find a lamp and rub it. A genie pops out and offers them all one wish.
The brunett says "I miss my family so I want to go home", then she is zaped hame.
The red haired women says "I miss my family so I want to go home to0" so she is zapped home.
Finally the blonde says "I am so lonley I wish my friends back"
This joke was submitted by:
Chucky OsbornQ .. Why do blondes like lightning?
A .. They think someone is taking their picture.Q .. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A .. From eating with forks.Q .. Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A .. Because they can spell it.Q .. Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A .. Toes go in first.Q .. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A .. To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.Q .. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A .. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.Q .. Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A .. They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.Q .. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A .. They can't remember the number.Q .. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A .. She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.Q .. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A .. "What's a lightbulb?"There are three moms. .
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"
The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
A Blonde was riding a twin jet airplane when "BOOM", one of the engines blew up.
The captain made an announcement and said they would be 1 hour deleyed.
Suddenly the second engine blows up and a blonde says "Man We Are Gonna Be Up Here All Day."
One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis."
A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
A Blonde is having a great day.
She is walking towords the elivator and notices it's leaving.
She starts to run, but a man holds it for here and she makes it.
When she's inside she starts thinking 'I'm in a really good mood, Ill share it with that man' Then says "T-G-I-F!"
The man looks at her and says "S-H-I-T"
The blonde is startled then says "T-G-I-F" again.
The man, again, says "S-H-I-T"
The blonde says "No, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness Its Friday!"
The man replys "No, S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey Its Thursday."
Q .. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A .. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"Q .. How do you get rid of blondes?
A .. Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.Q .. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A .. The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.Q .. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A .. None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.Q .. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A .. The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.Q .. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A .. To see what was on the other side.Q .. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A .. Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.Q .. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A .. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!Q .. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A .. The vegetable garden.Q .. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A .. "Oh look! Donut seeds!"Q .. Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A .. Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.Q .. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A .. They keep breaking them with the hammers.Q .. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A .. A blonde going through a flashing red light.Q .. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A .. Grade four.Q .. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A .. 144 blondes.One night a man walked into a bar with an alligator.
He stood up on the counter and anounced "If i stick my cock and balls into this gators mouth, let the gator shut his jaws and pull them out without a scratch on 'em you'll all buy me a drink."
The crowed looked up at the man and nodded with glee.
So the man whipped out his cock and balls and stuck them in the gators mouth then shut the gators jaws.
A few moments later he hit it on the head with a beer bottel and the gators mouth flung open, he pulled his genitilia out without a scratch.
As he was collecting his first free drink he looked to the crowed and asked if anybody would like to try.
A hush blew over the crowed.
All of a sudden a hand shot up in the back." I would said the blond lady if you promis not to hit me in the head with a beer bottle.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
Q .. How do you change a blonde's mind?
A .. Blow in her ear.Q .. How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A .. Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!Q .. How does a blonde kill a fish?
A .. She drowns it.Q .. A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A .. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.Q .. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A .. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paperQ .. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A .. To avoid the draft.Q .. How do you kill a blonde?
A .. Put spikes in their shoulder pads.Q .. Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A .. No smoking.Q .. What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A .. She grabs a bowl.Q .. How do blondes pierce their ears?
A .. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.A blonde and a brunett where on ther way to heaven and the brunette asked the blonde "how did you die" ?
The blonde said "I had a heart attack, how about you"And the brunette says "I froze to death, what caused your heart attack"
The blonde said "It started when I came home from work and I saw a womans car in the drive way"
"I rushed in to the house and asked my husband where are you hiding her"
"He said hiding who, but I started looking around the house, I was so angry I dropped to the floor."
Finally the brunette says "Damn!! If you had just looked in the freezer we'd both have lived.
Q .. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A .. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".Q .. Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A .. They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.Q .. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A .. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"Q .. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A .. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."Q .. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A .. She moved.Q .. Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A .. It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.Q .. Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A .. They're refuelling.Q .. Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A .. She didn't want one for nights.Q .. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A .. Her husband is out looking for the other man.Q .. Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A .. She was last years hide and seek winner.One day as a blonde was walking along the shore of a huge lake.
She spotted another blonde on the opposite shore.
She cupped her hands together and shouted "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde cupped her hands together and shouted "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!"
This joke was submitted by:
Steve DaynardA blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach.
Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff."
So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away.
Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away.
Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"
One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."
This joke was submitted by:
Stasiu the Polish FreakQ .. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A .. Because the can said "concentrate" on it.Q .. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A .. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.Q .. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A .. Trying to hold on to a thought.Q .. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A .. They don't know the route.Q .. Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A .. So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.Q .. How does a blonde commit suicide?
A .. She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.Q .. How do you plant dope?
A .. Bury a blonde.Q .. How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A .. Wave to her.Q .. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A .. Shine a torch in her ears.Q .. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A .. Shine a flashlight in their ear.A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."-Submitted by Fish and Dodo-
There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette.
They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage.
So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops.
The readhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.
So they go out the back door and they see this barn.
They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor.
See tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack.
Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around.
They go into the barn and look everywhere.
One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks".
So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself.
He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks.
Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!"
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."
A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.
The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells fuck as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no fuck in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU
Q .. What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A .. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.Q .. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A .. Change.Q .. What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A .. "Thanks for the refill!"Q .. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A .. A whine cellar.Q .. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A .. An Air Bag.Q .. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A .. A mental block.Q .. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A .. A wind tunnel.Q .. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A .. A dope ring.Q .. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A .. Divorcee'Q .. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A .. Pregnant.A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.
A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
"What are you doing." they ask her.
So she replies "Hanging myself."
The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."
The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".
Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".
The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".
This joke was submitted by:
Chris Ferrell1. How does a blonde kill a fish?
Drowns it2. How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool3. How does a blonde kill a bird?
Throws it off a cliff4. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Tell her to go find a corner in a round room5. How do you get rid of a blonde?
Tell her to go take a long walk on a short cliff
This joke was submitted by:
Melanie
Wednesday, 2 March 2016
Dirty Blonde Jokes
About Kannnadasan -
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