Intelligence Jokes

• Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!




• Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?

• This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.

• How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator.

• A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

• Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

• My IQ came back negative.

• Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

• Shock me, say something intelligent.

• When you want to marry a beautiful, a smart and a rich woman – marry three times.

• If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

• I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

• You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.

• We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

• If you were a triangle youd be acute one.

• You had me at cello.

• I would love to insult you... but that would be beyond the level of your intelligence.

• A 'Jim's Dozen' is 11, because I take one for myself.

• If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

• Wanna measure the coefficient of static friction between us?

• Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine.

• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

• Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.

• Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe

• It's not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME).

• Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

• There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn"

• You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

• A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

• I bet we can get into some serious Treble together.

• I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen.

• Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?

• You're sweeter than 3.14

• Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'

• I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for.

• Is that a Higgs boson in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

• I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

• Are you the square root of -1? Because you can't be real.

• What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

• Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.

• The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

• Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.