Salesman Jokes

• When Rupert was shown in to see his customer, Mr Jones was staring out the window disconsolately.

  “What seems to be the trouble?”

  “I promised my wife a Pomeranian and the cheapest one I can get is $200. It’s too much.”

  “You’re right. I can sell you one for $125.”

  “Great! When can you deliver it?”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  Once outside he rushed to a public telephone and rang his sales manager.

  “Listen. I’ve just sold old Jonesy a Pomeranian for $125. What the hell is a Pomeranian?”

  Submitted by ravinder.




• A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.
  
  When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
  
  "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
  

• One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object.
  "What is that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman replied. "What does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said, "keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
  After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. "What is it?" they asked.
  "It's a thermos," Mikey replied.
  "What does it do?" they asked.
  "Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
  "What do ya got in it?"
  To which Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."

• Asking for directions in the Australian outback is often a chancy business. There was the rep who asked a salesman for directions to Goombungee.

  “Take this road here for about two kilometers and turn left at the hollow log. You keep going for about three more kilometers and you’ll come to Riley’s dam. Turn left again. About four kilometres down the track you’ll come to a big sign advertising sheep dip. Turn left there and keep going.”

  “And that’ll get me to Goombungee, will it?” “No. It’ll get you back here. If I give you all the directions at once it’ll only confuse you.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?" 

• A salesman for the local paper called on Riley the chemist.

  “No way. I’ve been in business forty-one years and never spent a penny on advertising yet.”

  “Really? Then you can tell me, what is that handsome building on the top of the hill?”

  “That’s St Catherine’s church.”

  “Been there long?”

  “Over a hundred years.”

  “They still ring the bell, don’t they?”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• To get a massive and immediate attention from a buyer, the Vacuum Cleaner salesman opens a bag of horse manure and spreads it all over the carpet.
  
  Then he says to the possible buyer with confidence, "Mrs. if this vacuum cleaner can't clean all that manure I will eat the rest!"
  
  The lady asks, "Do you want ketchup with that?"
  
  Why the salesman ask?
  
  "Because we just moved in and we don't have electricity yet!"

• A travelling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house. The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn't resist going over and talking to him. "You look as if you don't have a care in the world," the salesman told him. "What is your formula for a long and happy life?" "Well," replied the little old man, "I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night." "My goodness," exclaimed the salesman, "that's just great! How old are you?" "Twenty-five," was the reply.

• A man walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier ask him if he wants a bag.
  
  He replies, "No, she's not that ugly."

• A rep was flying to a sales conference. It was his first experience in an aircraft, so he was a little nervous, but he tried not to let it show. He was very taken with the air hostess, and particularly flattered when she invited him to sit down the back with her. He asked her:

  “Do many passengers get airsick?”

  “Not many,” she replied. “We usually spot them in advance and give them some sweets to suck.”

  “What if that doesn’t work?”

  “Oh, maybe we put a blanket over them, or even give them some oxygen.”

  “What if it still doesn’t work?”

  “Oh, then I bring them down the back to sit with me.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• Moving along a dimly lighted street, a friend of ours was suddenly approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.

  ‘Please, sir,’ asked the stranger, ‘would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun.’

  Submitted by ravinder.

• A tired traveler decided to find a hotel for the night. He stumbled to the front desk and said to the clerk, “Pardon me, I’m exhausted, I’ve been driving for fourteen hours, I’m hungry, and I have a headache. Can you just tell me what room I’m in?”
  “Certainly, sir,” the helpful clerk replied. “You are in the lobby.”
  

• Beauregard discovered his wife in the arms of her lover. Mad with rage, he shot her dead. The southern jury brought in a verdict of justifiable homicide.

  Just as Beauregard was about to leave the courtroom a free man, the judge stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?’

  ‘Suh’, he replied, ‘I decided it was better to shoot a woman once than a different man each week.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• The entire North American sales force of Frisky Dog Food was gathered together for their national sales convention at Miami Beach. In the great auditorium the marketing director was giving a performance that any revivalist would have been proud of. Using the old pattern of call and response, he was really working up the spirits of his sales team.

  “Who’s got the greatest dog food in North America?”

  “We have!”

  “And who’s got the greatest advertising campaigns?”

  “We have!”

  “Who’s got the most attractive packages?”

  “We have!”

  “Who’s got the biggest distribution?”

  “WE HAVE!”

  “Okay. So why aren’t we selling more of the product?”

  One bold voice from the crowd replied:

  “Because the damned dogs don’t like it.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• Despite warnings from his guide, an American skiing in Switzerland got separated from his group and fell—uninjured— into a deep crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party found the yawning pit, and to reassure the stranded skier, shouted down to him, ‘We’re from the Red Cross!”

  ‘Sorry,’ the imperturbable American echoed back, ‘I already gave at the office!’

  Submitted by ravinder.

• An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
  “What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”
  

• A salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old boy answered. The conversation went thus:
  Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
  Boy: She’s not here.
  Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
  Boy: My sister.
  Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
  Boy: I guess so.
  At this point there was a very long silence on the phone. Then:
  Boy: Hello?
  Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
  Boy: I did. The trouble is, I can’t get her out of the playpen.

  Submitted by ravinder.

• A man went into a sporting goods shop. “You know all that expensive fishing tackle you sold me when I was in here last time?”

  “Yes sir.”

  “You know you told me it was well worth all the extra money because of all the fish I was going to catch with it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, would you mind telling me again? I’m getting discouraged.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• Finnegan returned to his old home town on a visit. While he was there he looked up his old friend Hennessy, who had the general store. He noticed as he went in that the two display windows were jammed full of soap. The two old friends greeted one another. As they did so, Finnegan saw that every shelf in the store was stacked with soap.

  “Gosh! You’ve certainly got a lot of soap.”

  “You think so? Look at this.”

  He took Finnegan through to the storeroom which was also full of soap.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much soap.”

  “Come with me.”

  Hennessy lifted a trapdoor and took him down some steps into a huge cellar, which was jammed with soap from the floor to the roof.

  “Gee! You really must sell a lot of soap.”

  “No, I don’t actually. But the fellow that sold it to me— boy, could he sell soap!”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

  Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

  “Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”

  Submitted by Rohit.

• Two salesmen were having coffee together and one was telling the other:

  “We’ve got a terrific sales competition going at our place. The fellow who writes the biggest percentage over target for the quarter gets a holiday for two in the south of France with all expenses paid. The fellow who’s second highest gets a tailor-made suit with an extra pair of trousers, and the fellow who’s third gets a dozen shirts.”

  The other rep looked gloomily at his coffee for a moment.

  “We’re having a sales competition at our place too. The fellow that wins it keeps his job.”

  Submitted by ravinder.

• It was hot and dry and dusty. To make matters ten times worse there was a beer shortage. A rep walked into a bar and ordered a beer.

  “Are you an RC?”

  “What difference does religion make? All I want is a beer.”

  “What I meant was, are you a regular customer?”

  The rep admitted that he wasn’t and walked down the street to another pub. Once in the bar he said to the girl:

  “I’m an RC, and I want a couple of beers.”

  “I don’t care about your religion, but where are your glasses?”

  “I don’t wear them.”

  The girl was exasperated.

  “Beer glasses, mate. Ours were all busted last night in a brawl.”

  There was one pub left in the town. When he walked into the bar he spotted two glasses on the window sill. He grabbed them and took them to the bar. The barmaid looked at them.

  “What are you trying to do? You’ve had your quota.”

  Submitted by ravinder.