Y.O.D.A (Tune: Y.M.C.A - By: Village People)
As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker
YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!
YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Don't just stand in the rain!
You're all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!
OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't
TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You should stay here and train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade).Father to his son:
Do you know why I call your mother my Death Star?
Because she makes my world explode!
@dadjokehansoloImperial Rhapsody
(sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsoody, by Queen)
Lando: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
Leia: Open your eyes
Stand up to their guys and see.
Luke: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cus who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
Han: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me
Piett: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life's no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, oooooooo.
Didn't mean too make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.
Yoda: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
Luke: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
Piett: Vader, ooooooooooo,
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.
Luke: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedimaterial; Rose
is just marriage bait.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyedamphibians to Admiral.
Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
Two words: John Williams.
There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?
If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your father"?
Han Solo would've missed the darn iceberg!10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.The TRUE ending to "the Empire Strikes Back":
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate in his hair?
A chocolate chip wookie.12. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!"
11. "Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must."
10. "Feel the force!"
9. "Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi craves not these things."
8. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!"
7. "Do me or do me not - there is no try."
6. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!"
5. "You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz's hand up my ass."
4. "Happens to every guy sometimes this does."
3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?"
2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!"
1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.
“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?”
“I’m waiting for my secretary,” Joe replied.Q: How did the ewok get across the road?
A: E-walkedThe top 10 things we want to hear Samuel L. Jackson, "Jedi Master Mace Windu," say in the Star Wars prequel"
10. You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for.
9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.
8. This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room... accept no substitutes.
7. If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine.
6. Feel the Force, motherfucker.
5. That ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce or what?
4. You sendin' The Fett? Shit, Hutt, that's all you had to say!
3. Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror's got hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a wookie.
2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?
1. Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker."According to Chewbacca The Force Awakens coming soon to a Disney Theme Park near you.
12. "Hey, Beautiful. What's a nice girl like you doing waiting in line without bathing for 10 days?"
11. "Your place or my Mom's?"
10. "I... uh... ummm... I... uh... (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid!"
9. "You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend."
8. "I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby."
7. "Date, or date not -- there is no 'let's just friends be'."
6. "If you only knew the power of the Dork Side."
5. "How's about a long time of Joe, in a bedroom not far away?"
4. "Nice buns, Princess! On your head, that is."
3. "Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!"
2. "If I said you had a mint first-edition, still-in-box action figure, would you hold it against me?"
1. "I'm gonna be an evil warlord when I grow up. Want a Milk Dud?"This weeks topic : Star Wars Character You Are Most Like
(Note, these are characters from the whole trilogy, not just the first movie.)
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Star Wars Character : C3P0
You are an uptight whiner, always saying things like "Oh no! Stormtroopers!" or "Now we are all going to die!" You really gotta loosen up. I mean, you can't spend your whole life wandering around worrying about everything. Sit back, relax, have a beer. But don't spill any beer on your arm. I hear that stuff is like ACID when it
comes in contact with metal.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Star Wars Character : R2-D2
Beep-whizz-bang-beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep. Whir-swin-beep-beep. BEEEEP-beep.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Star Wars Character : Jabba the Hutt
You think you are powerful, but the power you have over others comes from their fear, not their respect. Beware, fat man, for some day those who you now take so much pleasure in controlling will turn around and kill you. Beware of Princesses wearing chains around their necks.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Star Wars Character : Darth Vader
You are evil and powerful. People may not like you, but they respect you. You can kill people with just a thought. You can move large objects with just a thought. Your voice sounds really stupid though. Buy some cough drops!
LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)
Star Wars Character : Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi
You're old, and you dress funny. Beware of Cancers carrying light sabres.
VIRGO (Aug.23 - Sept. 22)
Star Wars Character : Yoda
Yoda are you like. Funny talk you. But beyond your years wise are you. Hmmm. Hmmm. Downside there is always. Wise may you be, but ugly and short are you also.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
Star Wars Character : Storm Trooper
Cannon fodder. No one respects your talents and ambitions. You are treated more like a number then a person. "Do this!" "Do that!" People are
always telling you. How come you always get stuck with the crummy Joe Jobs, like writing the Horoscope for the party newsletter. Just once don't you wish you could have some of the glory? Some of the fame? That you could take off the uniform you wear and run around and say "Look at me! I'm special! I'm different!" Don't you wish that you could . . . (the sounds of laser blasts hitting Storm Trooper armour. Han Solo and Luke
Skywalker step nimbly over the now dead body of the Storm Trooper. Some of us are meant to be Queen Bees, and some of us our meant to be Worker Bees. Libras are the worker bees. Get used to it.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Star Wars Character : Luke Skywalker
Yes, you are like Luke, but more from the first movie when he was just a whiny little brat who knew nothing. Maybe with time you too can grow
strong and powerful, but more likely you will end up like Mark Hamill, the only person associated with the movies who never became truly famous.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Star Wars Character : Evil Emperor
Sure, you are probably one of the most powerful people in the universe, but you really got to work on your people skills. I mean, try giving the occasional compliment. And brush your teeth. They look disgusting. Doesn't your appearance mean anything to you? You are supreme ruler of the galaxy, you should be able to afford a face lift. And get some new duds. Those long robes are so dark ages! Try the Gap, they have nice stuff.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Star Wars Character : Han Solo
You are smooth and cool under pressure. You are daring and adventerous. You are environmental unfriendly (come on, driving around in an old bucket of bolts like the Millienium Falcon. I bet it doesn't even pass California Emmission standards). You are politically uncorrect (First, you wear leather, which means you don't care about
animal rights. Secondly, you don't give Princess Leia the respect you give Chewie because she is a woman!). You're lucky you haven't crossed my
path yet, mister, because I would have you up on Sexual Harrasment charges before you could jump to light speed! You thought carbon freezing was bad, wait until you come up against the BNR Sexual Harrasment Committee.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Star Wars Character : Princess Leia
You kissed your brother. That's gross. I *REFUSE* to do a horoscope for some incest-loving sicko! I have morals, you know! God, you are disgusting.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
Star Wars Character : The Snow Beast
Remember when Luke got captured at the beginning of "The Emperor Strikes Back" by that big snow monster? Didn't he look like the Snow Monster from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer special where the elf who wanted to be a dentist pulled his tooth? I think he did. Oh, yeah, you are like the snow beast because it lived in the snow,
and when snow melts it becomes water, and water is what fish swim in, and Pisces is the sign of the fish. enough said?What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
A Toy-YODA!
@dadjokehansoloQ:: Is BB hungry?
A: No, BB-8!Top 15 "Star Wars" Euphemisms for Masturbation
15. Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
14. Grooming the Wookie
13. Making the Kessel Run
12. Polishing Vader's Helmet
11. Evacuating Tatooine
10. Unsheathing the Meatsaber
9. Releasing the Special Edition
8. Jumping to Delight Speed
7. Communicating with Red Leader One
6. Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
5. Tinkering With the R2 Unit
4. Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
3. Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
2. Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
1. Test Firing the Death StarLet the Wookiee win. While you're at it, let the Wookiee have the right of way in traffic. If they tip badly, do not complain. If the Wookiee does not return library books right on time, do not fine them. If they take food from your refrigerator, just let it go. Finally, if the Wookiee is your customer, remember that the customer is always right.
10. Camping alone outside the theater.
9. My Force is no longer with me.
8. The Death Star is not yet operational.
7. The Empire's striking out.
6. Shaking hands with the wookie.
5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.
4. Oiling the droid.
3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.
2. Spending the night with Han Solo.
1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.11. That chick dressed as Princess Leia in front of you now qualifies as your"longest relationship with a woman."
10. Can't resist to urge to "unsheathe your lightsaber," if you know what I mean.
9. Bossman Vader told you to take your Jedi powers to the planet of unemployment.
8. We're bombing who? What the hell is a Kosovo?
7. A fellow fan compliments you on your Chewbacca costume, but you aren't wearing one.
6. When a reporter asks you why you're obsessing about a movie when there's a war in Europe, you express full confidence in President Reagan's ability to handle the situation.
5. Your Boba Fett lunchbox is worth $.45 more than it was when you got to the theater.
4. The guy next to you is in line for "Episode II."
3. Obi-Wan's ghost shows up to spritz you with Lysol.
2. The dude in the Wookie suit is starting to look pretty good to you.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Been Waiting on Line Too Long For "Star Wars" Tickets...
1. Even your most loyal supporters are starting to question your order to "Just keep bombing Serbia until I get back."Why did Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, and 3 come after Episodes 4, 5, and 6?
In charge of the release dates, Yoda was.
Thursday, 3 March 2016
Starwars Jokes
About Kannnadasan -
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