Technology Jokes

• Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
  A: She couldn't find the "10" button.




• Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
  Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

• MAN: I Have Facebook, BBM, KIK, Imo, Twitter, Google Plus, Yahoo, Tumblr, Msn, Skype, Snapchat, Instagram and G-Talk
  FRIEND: Buddy, do you have a life?
  AKPOS: OMG! No I don't! Send me the link to download it.

• It used to be cool to have a Gold tooth, now its a cheap Bluetooth!!!

• Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.

• Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

• Q: How easy is it to count in binary?
  A: It’s as easy as 01 10 11.

• Remember that watch from Switzerland? The Swatch! Thank God Croatia didn't come out with a watch of their own. "Hey what time is it?" "Oh hold on let me take a look at my Crotch."

• Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
  A: Made a website!

• Does anyone remember the Swatch, a watch made in Switzerland? Thank god Croatia didn't come up with the idea first. Just imagine if someone were to ask you what time is it? "Oh pardon me while I look at my crotch."

• Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, "Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!" The Mexican & Asian say, "Wow, that's nice, man." Then the Mexican guy says, "Check out my new cellphone; it's a watch!" The white guy and Asian say, "Very cool, dude." The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and white guy say, "Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass." The Asian guy says, "Oh look, I'm receiving a Fax!"

• The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

• Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

• There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
  When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
  He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

• Q: What computer sings the best?
  A: A Dell.

• Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

• Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
  A: Had a byte!

• What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store?
  
  Guardians of the Galaxy.

• Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
  Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
  
  Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
  Customer: Five stars.

• Q: How can you tell if a blonde used a computer?
  A: There's Wite-Out all over the screen.

• Q: Why shouldn't Facebook have paid $1 billion dollars for Instagram?
  A: They could've downloaded it for free!

• Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

• Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

• I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

• Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? A: They can't; they're not bright enough.

• I put my phone on airplane mode, but it sure ain't flyin'.

• Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
  A: 1forrest1

• Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
  A: Microchips!

• Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
  
  As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No." "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .

• I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, "Your password is incorrect."

• 5.25 inch floppy disks were fragile. They had to be stored in paper sleeves, could not be bent, and they could be damaged by a single touch
  
  3.5 inch floppy disks held 1.44 megabytes of data. That's enough for maybe two or three standard Microsoft Word documents with no images. That's enough for maybe a minute of MP3 quality music.
  
  Before internet use was common, the most frequent way that computer viruses spread was through floppy disks. It was a risk to take your data to another person's computer.