Pickup line for you guys this weekend:
Hey baby, are you ketchup? Because I want to rub you all over my wiener.nice legs babe, what time do they open
You seem like a sweet girl. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Do you work on a chicken farm Cause you sure know how to raise a cock!!!
Man : I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a great dane?If I were an astronaut, my first mission would be to Uranus.
Boy:say me
Girl:me
Boy: you forgot the d
Girl:there's no d in me
Boy:not yet :)Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD
Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.
Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See
Exuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!
You Dropped something , "My jaw"
I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven????
Me: yea i kindah f*cked up my elbo ????????Me: Excuse me ma'am. Is your name by any chance, Google?
Her: No, why?
Me: 'Cause you have everything I'm searching for. *gets laid*You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what your pussy needs.
Will you be my girlfrien?
There's no "d" now because you'll be getting it later.Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.
I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock
You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.
Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?
You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?
I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!
Did it hurt? When u fell out of Hevan?
Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can defiently see my self in them.
I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?
Man: You must be tired?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because you been running through my mind all day!Lets play bomb squad, I'll lie down and you blow the Hell out of me.
Do you wanna be my kangaroo so we can hop all night.
At birth i had two important decisions to make... either i could have extremely great memory, or a really huge penis. Unfortunately, I forgot which one i chose.
Man: (to woman) I'd buy you a drink but I'd be jealous of the glass.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
If you were a bugger I'd pick you first
Hello sugar not you the other lump!
I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.
Nice legs what time do they open.
You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?
... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over
Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Man: Excuse me, you must be in pain.
Woman: Why do you say that?
Man: Well, they say it hurts to be beautiful.Boy- i'm taking the d out of the alphabet
Girl- Why?
Boy- Because i'm putting it in youGuy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.--man-- Hey baby do you have a map
--girl-- no why --man-- because I don't know the directions to your heart
--girl-- and i don't know the direction to get away from you do i go left or right?Guy: "Excuse me, are your pants mirrors?"
Woman: "No, why?"
Guy: "Because I can see myself in them."Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.
People call me Chris but you can call me tonight.
Girl - Why are you following me?
Boy - Well, my mom always said to follow my dreams.Man: Are you from Tennessee?
Woman: No. Why?
Man: Because you are the only ten I see.I hear the word of the day is legs, so why don't we go back to my place and spread the word..
How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!
•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•
?Cant stand me, Sit down?
?Cant face me, Turn around?
?Love me, Great?
? Hate me, Even better?
? Think I'm ugly, Don't look at me?
? Don't like my style, Who said I liked yours??
?Don't know me, Don't judge meIf you pull my gas pump I'll give you free fuel.
** In a Bar **
A guy walks up to a girl and yells, "Fat Penguin", she replies, what did you just say? The man answers, I just said something that would break the ice.Did you just come from KFC? cause' you have a breast and a thigh and you're giving me a drumstick!
You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.
Guy : If i where a superhero guess which I'd be?
Girl: Iron man? Super Man? Spider Man?
Guy: Your Man.Do you have a mirror in your pants?
Cuz i can see myself in themHey baby are you a vampire? Because you're gonna suck me clean.
Let's play lion tamer . . .
You open your mouth and I'll put my head in.Me - I love you like i love pizza.
Girlfriend - Awe that so sweet!
Me - Yeah, i don't like pizza.Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the moneyHe: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.Girl - I have a boyfriend.
Guy - I have a pet goldfish.
Girl - What?
Guy - I thought we were talking about things that didn't matter.Hey girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet.........
I would put the S T D in U!I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U.
If you were a bugger I'd pick you first
Hello sugar not you the other lump!
I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.
Nice legs what time do they open.
You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?
... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over
Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure could make your bed-rock!
I seemed to have lost my Virginity can I have yours
Boy - Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.Boy: You remind me of my pinky toe
Girl: Why?
Boy: Cause I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee tableIf I flip a coin what's the chance of me getting head
Hey gurl, did you fall from heaven? cause your face looks FUCKED up!
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
BOY:Are you tired?
GIRL:Why?
BOY:Because you've been running through my mind all day.Man: I'd like to call you. What is your telephone number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.if a man went to see his phschiatrist in nothing but saranwrap, what did the phschiatrist say? a:i can clearly see your nuts!
Man: "Excuse me. Do you have a quarter?"
Woman: "No, why?"
Man: "Because my parents told me to call them when I found the girl of my dreams."If you were a bugger I'd pick you first
Hello sugar not you the other lump!
I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.
Nice legs what time do they open.
You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?
... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over
Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Q: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
A: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.Can I be your terrorist baby, because you're the bomb!
Man: "Oh! baby are you hurt?"
Woman: "No, Why?"
Man: "It's a long fall from Heaven."You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD
Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.
Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See
Exuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!
You Dropped something , "My jaw"
Do you like soda? Because I would mount and dew you.
if you were a candle, i would blow you
Roses are red, foxes are clever. I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? because your magically delicious
If you were a transformer, you would be a hottobot and your name would be optimus fine!
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
youre like an oreo to me, im gonna spread your legs and eat the middle
Guy: Hey, I lost my pussy, can I have yours?
Girl: Sure here
Girl gives guy a cat
Guy: No i meant your pussy
Girl: The cat is the closest you'll ever get to a pussy.See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.
Guy: Do you have a band-aid? Girl: Yeah, but what for?
Guy: Oh, I just scraped my knee falling for you.Do you have 11 protons? Because you are sodium fine.
Nerd Pick up line: Nice set of floppys.
Do mush wash your pants in windex because I can see myself in them
Boy:Its smell like up sexy in here.
Girl:Whats up sexy?
Boy:Nothing much how about youHe: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the moneyHe: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.When I'm with my friends im not a loner, but when I'm with you I get a boner ;)
Wanna to go get a pizza and fuck?
No...
What you dont like pizza?Is that a keg in your pants because I'd really like to tap that ass!
Me: do you like water
Girl: yah sure why
Me: then I guess you like 72% of meHey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!
i got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. L
God says for us to be fruitful and multiply.
So what do you say?Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?
hey do you work in subway because you turn my 6 inch into a foot long
ill be Burger King and you'll be McDonald's ill have it my way and you be loving it!!! ;D Look ma i did something with my life are you proud of me now????? By Lionso
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.
You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
Damn, I thought “very-fine” only came in a bottle!
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Didn’t I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
I was just curious?Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my friend?
I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I’ve got a great stereo system at home!
I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile.So, would you smile for me?Submitted by zanny.
Are you a turkey because you look like you could use a good stuffing.
Hey baby are you from mars 'cause your ass is out of this world!
Can you catch love?
I've got a couple of Balls coming your way1. "I'm down here."
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!Will you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Wow! Are those real?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
Hey, Let's play Titanic, You'll be the iceberg and i'll go down.
How much did that dress cost [if she says why do you need to know] I wanna know how much to pay when I rip it off
Two male flies are buzzing around looking for good-looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow dung and dives down toward her.
"Pardon me," he asks, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"Guy: Hey there. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Woman: NO.
Guy: Enough to break the ice. My name is . . .Hi my name is Haywood. Haywood Jablomee.
Boy: Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Cause you're looking magically delicious!Did you just fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty f*cked up.
"Hey girl, quit acting like North Korea and blow me already"
I'd fake blindness to touch you inappropriately.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Girl: How was your lunch?
Guy: How was your lunch?
Girl: No im asking you.
Guy: No im asking you.
Girl: Are you copying off me!?
Guy: Are you copying off me!?
Girl: Lets go shopping!
Guy: Lunch was great.Roses are red pickles are green i like your legs and whats in between
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the moneyHe: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?
Hey baby lets play army. I'll lay down and you can blow me up!
Hey I'm looking for treasure can I have a look round your chest?
Guy: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Girl: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.GET A JOB if you are reading this or are u to dazed at this comment
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
Hi, I'm Garret. I like long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
What has 170 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? MY ZIPPER
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?
Damn girl, are you a Prius? You're giving me the silent treatment and I can't tell if you're turned on.
Those are nice legs. do they come over easy?
I'm like a rubix cube; the more you play with me the harder I get.
Roses are red, violets are blue
you're hot and i wanna f*ck youMan: "Just call me milk . . . I'll do your body good."
My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down.
You remind me of my big toe because i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture i own.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
Guy: You look like my third wife.
Girl: how many times have you been married?
Guy: TwiceIf you were a bag of potato chips and I was a battery ... you would be free to lay and I would be ever ready.
Roses are red;
Pickles are green;
I like your legs,
And what's in between!Are you an angel?
Cause I'm allergic to feathers.Are you from outer space beacause your ass is out of this wotld
Hey! Did you just come from Subway?
Because I like to eat fresh. *winkdid it hurt when u fell from heaven?? "no, but it sure did hurt when i scraped my knees crawling out from hell.
Are you a beaver? Cause Dam.
roses are red lemons are sour open your legs
and give me an hour.do you have a mirror in your pocket, coz i can see myself in your pants!
You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away!
So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!
Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!
Lets play Pearl Harber, I lay down and you blow me to heaven
Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.
What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and i'll bang you all night long.
Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine
You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer
Your pants.
They bother me,
Take them off.is your name WIFI? Because am feeling a connection
Guy: Are you an angel?
Woman: No. Why do you ask?
Guy: Because Heaven just called and reported one missing.Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Women: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothesIs your dad a police officer, if so i'll be visiting you a lot
Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top
I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!
I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz i can see myself in your pants
Wanna ride? i got a truck and a box of condoms.
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good
Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?Your a toilet. Why? Beacuse your full of shit
Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house
Police:really...
Me:sir
Police:yes
Me:can i leave
Police: -_-
Police:sureMan: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Women: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothesIs your dad a police officer, if so i'll be visiting you a lot
Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top
I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!
I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz i can see myself in your pants
Wanna ride? i got a truck and a box of condoms.
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
if you were an animal you'd be a beaver, because DAM, you look nice today.
My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
"Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap that ass!"
I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
hey girl are you from jamaica ? because you're jamaican me horny.HAHAHAHAHAHA
Will you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Wow! Are those real?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
Did you get that body at Mcdonalds?
because i'm lovin' itCan I tie you shoes? I don't want you falling for anyone else.
Are you a happy meal? Cuz I'm Lovin it!
Girl, is that a shovel in your back pocket?
Cuz I'm diggin that assi challenge anyone to try this line and if i'm right about it come and give me a kick ass, it's 1000000000% going to get you a favorable respond, It's that bulletproof. Ask any girl-- Excuse me by any chance are you AFRICAN? first response will 99-100 times be no I'm not, then you respond with ''You must be AFRICAN because Ah-Frican-Love You
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!
I'm not wearing any pants.
You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
Mind if i stand here until it's safe where i farted
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
When God made you, he was showing off
It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!
My dick died.
Can i burry it in you?Q: If a Stork brings babies, then what takes babies away?
A: A SwallowGuy (to a fly lady): Did you crawl out of a B-17 cause you're the bomb.
I'll be Carl's Jr. and you'll be MacDonald so I'll eat like I mean it and you'll be lovin it Kickass if you get it
You must be an astronaut because you are out of this world.
Boy- Did you know there are 20 letters in the alphabet?
Girl- No there's 26
Boy- Oh, sorry I forgot U-R-A-Q-T
Girl- That's 25
Boy- I'll give you the D laterYou got a phone in your back pocket 'cuz that ass is calling me.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.Do you work at subway because you just made me a footlong
If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Cristmas can I visit you in between the Holidays?
Man: Whats your name?
Woman: Tammy
Man: You should change it to Campbells, cause you're mmm mmm GOOD!If your Left leg is Thanksgiving and your Right leg is Christmas, can I visit you in between the holidays?
My cat dead, can i play with your pussy instead?
Hey girl, NASA says that there will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus
Roses are red violets are blue lemons are sour open up your legs and give me an hour
If you were a door I would slam you all night!!!
I'm allergic to your clothes. Please, take them off
Do you have a mirror in your pocket ? because i see myself in your pants
Hey, I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
Nice legs. What time do they open?
Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth creamy and easy to spread.
do you want to go to the dance with me if not i brought you a dildo to go f*ck yourself with
You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD
Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.
Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See
Exuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!
You Dropped something , "My jaw"
Im so attracted to you its like im a squirrel and you are nuts.
Baby, you remind me of a traffic ticket. You have "FINE" written all over you!
Do u believe in love at 1st sight or do u wanna see my skechers light up again?
Me - Did you fart?
Girl - No, why?
Me - Cause you blow me away.Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette?
Girl: No, Why?
Guy: Because you're the best a man can get!A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says "What a great chest you have." The bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite."
He takes off his pants and the woman says "What massive calves you have", the bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite".
He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He finally catches up to her and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.
The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have."If your two legs are slices of bread can my dick be the peanut butter
You: Hey did you fall from heaven Girl: No You: Good cause you be dead so wassup
Man: Did it hurt?
Women: Did what hurt?
Man: When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?kiss me if im wrong but your coming home with me tonight
pick up line rejection: Guy:come on dont be shy ask me out
Girl:okay.go outhey beautiful do u believe in love at first sight or should i walk bye again?
If you were a bugger I'd pick you first
Hello sugar not you the other lump!
I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.
Nice legs what time do they open.
You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?
... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over
Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
When things go wrong,
When sadness fill your heart,
When tears flow in your eyes,
Just let me know,
Cause I want to be there for you,
I am selling tissues,buy one get one freeIf you were beer, I'd be an alcoholic.
Man: Excuse me Miss, but were you born in Tennessee?
Woman: No, why?
Man: Because your the only ten-I-see!You girl, you gotta let me squirtell all over them jiggelypuffs
Hey....wanna fuck?
How about we play lion and lion tamer? you hold your mouth open and I'll give you the meat
Roses are red violets are blue take off your clothes I have a present for you.
Are your parents thieves?
Because they stole the stars and put them into your eyes.Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
Did your Iphone break? cause I can be your phone and you can play on my abbs(apps)
You save a Damsel rom falling off the side of a cliff. As your holding onto her, say" Hey baby, hows it hanging?"
If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
Student:Can i go toilet.
Teacher:If you have done your work,corrections,tidied your desk,cleaned out you..
Student: Hurry the f*ck up my b*tch is waiting!!!!!There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
If you were a bugger I'd pick you first
Hello sugar not you the other lump!
I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.
Nice legs what time do they open.
You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?
... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over
Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Roses are red you are fine ill be the six if you be the nine
Do you have a picture of yourself? So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!
i just did a massive shit in my pants! can i get in yours???
Q-What did the hurricane say to the palm tree....
A-Hold on to your nuts because this is gonna be one hard Blow job :DIf you were a vegetable you'd be a cutecumber
Man: Excuse me, Excuse me, do you no CPR?
Woman: (hopefully says) Yes
Man: Oh thank god
Woman: What is it?
Man: My dick isn't breathing, I think i need mouth to dick resuscitation.Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Women: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothesIs your dad a police officer, if so i'll be visiting you a lot
Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top
I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!
I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz i can see myself in your pants
Wanna ride? i got a truck and a box of condoms.
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.
I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock
You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.
Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?
You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?
I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!
Did it hurt? When u fell out of Hevan?
Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can defiently see my self in them.
I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?
"Your name must be VISA because you're everywhere I want to be."
I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?
Are you my boat? Because nice aft!
I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
can I borrow a kiss I promise I'll give it back.
Do you have a mirror in you back pocket cus I see myself in your pants
Man: Are you retarded?
Woman: No! Why?
Man: Because you sure look special to me.Benefits of dating me:
- You'd be dating me.
I'd go on, but I think I made my point.Man: Do you have any Italian in you?
Woman: No.
Man: Would you like some?Hey, you a power switch? Cuz you turn me on.
You remind me of my big toe because I'm going to bang you every peice of furniture I own!
Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.
I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock
You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.
Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?
You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?
I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!
Did it hurt? When u fell out of Hevan?
Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can defiently see my self in them.
I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?
Did you sit in a pile of sugar?
Because you've got a pretty sweet ass.Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
Boy: Someone called ya an owl.
Girl: who
Boy: Someone
Girl: WHO?
Boy: Someone Girl: WHO?!?!
Boy: I see what he means....
Girl: What?! Who called me an owl??!
Boy: *walks away*I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
Hey gurl, are you an alien? Cause dat ass is out of this world!
You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away!
So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!
Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!
Lets play Pearl Harber, I lay down and you blow me to heaven
Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.
What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and i'll bang you all night long.
Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine
You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koalafications
I know that you are made of beryllium, gold and titanium because you are a Be-Au-Ti.
Roses are red violets are blue I got something in my pants that would like to meet you
there are 206 bones in the human body, wanna make that 207?
I got skittles in my pants, come and taste the rainbow
Me: wanna be an undercover cop
Girl: why
Boy: so me and you can be under the coversIs your Dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
Boy-Is your body from mcdonalds? Girl-Why because your lovin it.
Boy- No because its fat and greasyaccording to Isaac Newton your attracted to me
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.Did you fall from heaven, because I'm gonna suck the juice out your minge.
Is there a shovel in your back-pocket because I'm diggin' dat ass
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!
I'm not wearing any pants.
You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
Mind if i stand here until it's safe where i farted
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
When God made you, he was showing off
It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!
Is your name Snow, because id love to plow you
R u google?? bcuz u hv everything i m looking for
Are you a bowling ball?
Because I want to pick you up and stick my fingers in your holes.Hey, are those space pants?
No, why?
Because your ass is out of this world!Roses are red
Pussys are pink
Show me yours
And I'll buy you a drinkYour so hot, even my zipper is falling for you.
Guy: Am I dead?
Girl: No why?
Guy: Cause I thought you were an angel.Me: "Hey if I was a superhero guess which one I'd be!"
Girl: "Iron man, Superman, Batman?"
Me: "Your man."the turk told his friend i got satellite and his friend said how did you get the money?
he said: i sold my tv.Guy- "The word of the day is legs"
Girl- "ok...."
Guy- "So how about we go back to my place and spread the word"My friend over there really wants your number so they know where to get a hold of me in the morning.
Man: He must be so happy!
Woman: Who?
Man: Your father.
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday.You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away!
So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!
Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!
Lets play Pearl Harber, I lay down and you blow me to heaven
Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.
What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and i'll bang you all night long.
Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine
You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer
You know, I've got the f, the c and the k, so all I need is u
guy: Is your phone in your back pocket?
girl: Why?
guy: Because that ass is calling me.Hey girl I know I'm no Fred flintstone but I can make your bedrock
I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me instead?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good
Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?guy: If I had a dime every time I saw a girl as pretty as you Id have ten cents.
Girl: what do you do for a living?
Me: I hunt and kill aliens
Girl: what!? Aliens arent real
Me: have you ever seen one?
Girl: no
Me: you're welcomeI may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
I'm a french fry and you're ketchup. Can i get in you?
I like you in the way that makes my pants fit funny.
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: I don't drink.
Guy: Then can I just give you $7.50 to talk with me for a few minutes?Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry I don't accept cheap gifts.Did you sit in frosted flakes? 'cause that ass is GRRRRREAT!
1. "I'm down here."
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!I'm a necrophiliac. How well do you play dead?
Are you from outer space beacause your ass is out of this wotld
If you were a pill I would over dose
Man: I can tell you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.If I could rearrange the keyboard I'd put U and I together... Oh wait, it's already there.
Can I touch your belly button... From the inside?
Q: Do you want to go back to my place?
A: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?I've got skittles in my mouth. Wanna taste the rainbow?
Are you Jamaican, because ja makin me crazy.
Guy: I hope I don't get a cake on my birthday.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because I wouldn't be able to blow the candles out.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because you just took my breath away!I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD
Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.
Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See
Exuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!
You Dropped something , "My jaw"
If you were homework, I would do you on a table.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
Man: God must be crying right now ...
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he just lost an angel...How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
Excuse me ma'am can you tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
Guy - Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.
Girl - Ya I do, but I'm gunna need it in case I ever fall for that line.If I was a rapist you would be my first victim
Damn baby you must be tired because you've been running through my mind
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!
I'm not wearing any pants.
You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
Mind if i stand here until it's safe where i farted
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
When God made you, he was showing off
It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!
You can stay but your clothes must go
Your ass must be an eclispe cause i've just been mooned
I lost my number can I have yours?
How To Get Any Guy:
If you were a watermelon I'd swallow your seeds.Do you wash your pants with Windex? Cause I can see myself in them.
I love you in the way that makes my pants fit funny.
me: hey I like your shirt
girl: thanks!
me: it would look better on my bedroom floor thoughWhat do you like most in a woman?
My Dick.Q: Is that a keg in your pants?
A: Cuz I just want to tap that ass.Do you like astronomy, because i see stars in your eyes
My buddies made a bet that I couldn't talk to the hottest girl I meet...wanna get drinks with their money?
If I had to rate you from 1-10 I would rate you as a 9 because I am the one that you are missing
Guy: Hey, you dropped something when you walked by.
Girl: What?
Guy: My jaw!If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?
i know your name,i saw it in the dictionary under the word
SHAZZAMM!!!!!!!!"Mommy, tomorrow I have an oral exam, and one question the teacher will ask me is 'who made you?' What should I say?" asked John.
"God made you, dear," replied his mother.
The next day, when the question came up, poor John forgot what his mother had said. So, he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my Daddy who made me, but then Mommy said it was someone else... and I can't remember the guy's name."Q: Is this seat empty?
A: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.Do you raise chickens? Because you raise my cock.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. God made us beautiful. What the f*ck happened to you?
Do you come here often? Because I'm about to come here right now.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: "Do not enter".I'd better get a library card because I'm checking you out
He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Thats why i don't go there anymore.....Need a tissue or wanna blow me instead?
Hey girl, if your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I cum between the holidays?
Me: I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.
Girl: Why??
Me: Because I swear you get more beautiful everyday.
*Gets laid*Hey girl feel my sweater ..... Know what it's made of .... Boyfriend material.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
Man: Do you like maple or blueberry syrup on your pancakes?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because I want to know what kind to order for you in the morning.Is this Little Caesar's?
Because you're hot, and i'm ready ;)He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the moneyHe: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.Nerd - Can I touch your software
Girl - Only if I can touch your hard drive first
Nerd - Can I install it into your system?
Girl - Only if you cover it with anti-virusDo you have a name or can I call you mine?
want to see something dissapear?
how
bend over and lets seeTeacher: Handful of nuts can help your heart!
Teacher: I love nuts
Class: Ewwww
Teacher: No I MEANT THE ONE YOU EAT!
Nick: Ohhhh, SO you mean my dads?
Teacher: ...........I touch so many wet pussies that my hands are permanently pruned.
me-can I take a picture of you
girl-why?
me-I want to show my friends that ANGELS are realMy dick is so big when you lay it out on the keyboard it reaches from A-Z!!! ......wait a minute.....
Man to Woman: "I know milk does a body good but WOW! how much have you been drinking?"
Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Women: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothesIs your dad a police officer, if so i'll be visiting you a lot
Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top
I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!
I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz i can see myself in your pants
Wanna ride? i got a truck and a box of condoms.
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
roses are red
violets are blue
get on you knees
you know what to do!My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good
Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?I have the F, the C, and the K, and all I need is U
Boy: Hey, can you help me look for something? Something fell.
Girl: Sure, what fell?
Boy: My zipper.If I had a rose for every time I thought of you we would be walking through a never-ending garden!
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good
Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.
I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock
You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.
Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?
You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?
I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!
Did it hurt? When u fell out of Hevan?
Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can defiently see my self in them.
I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?
I saw u at the library so I checked u out
Guy: Miss, do have a bandaid?
Girl: Yes, why?
Guy: Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!Will you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Wow! Are those real?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
If I told you that you had a nice body would you hold it against me . . . PLEASE!
(Australian Style)
Baby if you was a front rower in football, I'd run you down hardWant to taste the rainbow. I'm wearing skittles chap stick
Oh, I'm sorry . . . I thought that was a braille name tag.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.Ever been to Uganda?
Cause Uganda be bouncin' on dis dick.A Newfie man goes out on the town, stops in at a bar. He spots a gorgeous looking blonde and trys to pick her up.
The blonde says "sorry, I'm not that way inclined" and points to a gorgeous looking brunnette sitting across from her at the bar. The blonde goes on to tell the Newfie all the lovely sexual things she would like to do with the Brunette.
At this point the Newfie starts to cry and the blonde asks "what's wrong with you?". The Newfie responds "I think I just found out I'm a Lesbian too!"Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
I lost my teddy bear can I sleep with you?
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because i see myself in your pants.
Boy- Wanna play the rape game?
Girl- No!
Boy- Well that's the spirit!Interesting fact, kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute.
Wanna workout?warning:only do this if your in the library
if you were a library book id check you outA businesswoman is having a drink at a bar when a man approaches her.
"Hi, honey," he says. "Want a little company?"
"Why?" asks the woman. "Do you have one to sell?"You wanna go camping?
I've already pitched a tent.Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?
Boy: There are 20 letters in the Alphabet right?
Girl: 26.
Boy: Ah Heck, sorry i forgot the U R A Q T.
Girl: That makes 25.
Boy: I know I will give you the D later...You're legs are like an Oreo cookie I wanna split them in have and eat the good stuff in the middle
Are you a drill sergeant cause my privates stand for attention
Q: What is the Devil's favorite pick-up line?
A: I lost my soul. Can I have yours?Roses are red
Lemons are sour
Open your legs
And gimme an hour!I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away!
So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!
Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!
Lets play Pearl Harber, I lay down and you blow me to heaven
Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.
What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and i'll bang you all night long.
Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine
You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer
* I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
* You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
* Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
* My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
* Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
* Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?
* How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
* You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
* You’re sweeter than glucose.
* We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
* Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
* Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
* Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.
* Isn’t your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com
* You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!Submitted by vijay.
You can be Mcdonalds and i will be Burgerking ill have it my way and you will be lovin it!
Fuck me if I'm wrong but isn't your name shanaenae?
NO?
well then..... * zip*Man: Excuse me Miss are you from Hollywood?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because you are the only "Star" I see!Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!
I'm not wearing any pants.
You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
Mind if i stand here until it's safe where i farted
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
When God made you, he was showing off
It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!
Are you a light switch, cause u just turned me on.
Man: Oh baby! Is that an airplane I hear or is that my heart taking off?
1. "I'm down here."
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!1. "I'm down here."
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!Will you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Wow! Are those real?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
Im a squirrel and you are nuts.
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
you must play the trumpet because you make me horny
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized!Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic.Lets play army! You can be the good guy and I'll be the bad guy. Now you can blow the hell out of me!
Goob tried to pick me up once so i punched him
I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207.
You must be an overdue book.
Why?
Because you have "fine" written all over you.1. "I'm down here."
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!Me: Did you fall from heaven because you look like an angel.
Girl: No. But i did scrape my knee crawling out of hell.Man: "Have I shown you my magic watch?"
Woman: "No, what does it do?"
Man: "It tells me you are not wearing any underwear."
Woman: "Well it must be broken because I am wearing underwear!"
Man: "Hmm... It must be an hour fast."Do you like to party? Then crawl up my leg and have a ball!
*Bumps into your crush*
You: Oh, I'm sorry... Almost fell in love right there.Roses are red clovers are green i will bang you so hard you'll walk with a lean
If you were a buger I would pick you first.
If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?
Boy: Hey, girl! Wanna get some pizza and f*ck?
Girl: Uh! No!
Boy: What? You don't like pizza?"Can I have your phone number? I lost mine."
You're like a screw...
The more you turn in my head, the deeper you go in my heart!!!Hey baby, I wanna put my philosophers stone into your chamber of secrets releasing the prisoner of Azkaban into your goblet of fire giving you the deathly hallows!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now take your pants off
Or I can do it for youAre you Google?
Because you have everything I'm searching forMan: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away!
So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!
Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!
Lets play Pearl Harber, I lay down and you blow me to heaven
Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.
What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and i'll bang you all night long.
Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine
You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer
Nerd pick up line:
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?I'm not photographer, but I can picture me, and you together.
Girl, if you were a camel, I'd hump you!
are you a unicorn cause you look magical
You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.
Guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Girl: I have a boyfriend Guy: I have math test tomorrow
Girl: What does that have to do with anything
Guy: I'm sorry, I thought we were listing things we could cheat on...If your left leg was Christmas and your right leg was New Years...can I kiss you between the holidays.
I'm like a library book ... people are always checking me out.
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!
I'm not wearing any pants.
You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
Mind if i stand here until it's safe where i farted
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
When God made you, he was showing off
It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good
Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?Are you from Ireland coz my dick is Dublin'.
If I could redo the alphabet, I would put U & I beside each other.
You've got 206 bones in your body, would you like 1 more?
Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.
I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock
You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.
Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?
You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?
I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!
Did it hurt? When u fell out of Hevan?
Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can defiently see my self in them.
I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
Am I cute, or do you need another drink?
Girl: What are we gonna have for dinner?
Me: Cream Pie or Breast?
Girl: Chicken don't have breast?
Me: But you do ;)Are you a bouncer at a party?
Because i bet you can't stop me from cumming in ;)Stop being rude and start being nude.
I know your feet must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day
Guy: "Did you know that 15 minutes of sex burns off the calories gained by eating one chocolate?"
*hands girl box of chocolates*
Girl: "Awww, interesting, but why give me the entire box?
Guy: "Eat the whole thing - I have plans for you tonight"
AWWWWW YEAHboy-are u my toe....?
girl-...no why?
boy-...cause i wanna bang u on the tableIf you had 11 roses in your arms and looked in the mirror;
You would see the twelve most gorgeous things in the world.If we are what we eat, I could be you in the morning!
Man: Do you know C.P.R?
Woman: No why?
Man: Because you just took my breath away!I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Do you buy your pants on sale?
Because at my house they would be 100% off.Me: You dropped something.
Girl: What'd I drop?
Me: Your standards... Hi I'm Vinny.I just sharted in my pants. Can I get in yours?
I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
Just call me milk - I'll do your body good!
guy: would you be my pencil?
girl: um i guess, but why?
guy: oh because you are the one who can erase my past and write my futureWill you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Wow! Are those real?
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong
Guy: Did it hurt?
Girl: What?
Guy: Falling out of Heaven.Guy: Is you dad still in jail?
Girl: For what?
Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes!Girl your like a trophy bass I dont know whether to eat you or mount you!
You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD
Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.
Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See
Exuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!
You Dropped something , "My jaw"
Are you a dog (Why?) Cause I'll feed you my boner
Are you related to Yoda . . . cuz Yodalicious
Girl: I'm scared that you will love another girl soon
Guy: yeah I will love another girl in about ten years and she will call you mama
*gets laid*Boy: I'm sorry, can I take a picture with u? I just want to show santa what I want for christmas.
Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Women: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothesIs your dad a police officer, if so i'll be visiting you a lot
Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top
I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !
The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!
MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!
I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz i can see myself in your pants
Wanna ride? i got a truck and a box of condoms.
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
A MAN SAYS TO A WOMAN,
IF YOU HOLD A DIAMOND AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR,YOU WOULD BE LOOKING AT TWO OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD.Im not that good in algebra but I know that I+U=69
Do you like wendy's?
Cause you'll love it wendys nuts slap yo face.Man: Hey come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!Please, either stop being so attractive or make out with me. It is your choice.
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the moneyHe: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.If I were a astronaut, the first place I would travel is Uranus.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
Hey my dick just died, can I bury it in your ass?
You can't spell "awesome" without "me".
If all girls were boogers, I'd pick you first!
Q: Your place or mine?
A: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.If I were a rabbit, I'd jump in your hole!
Do you work at subway?
Because your giving me a foot longIf we were squirrels could I bust a nut in your hole
How about we go to a nice place and do some math? We'll add ourselves up, subtract our clothes, divide our legs and then multiply.
I'm not looking at your chest, i'm gazing into your heart.
Do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.
A man and a woman are standing at a cocktail party when the woman says to the man, "You look just like my third husband."
"Oh, really?" says the man. "How many times have you been married?"
The woman answers, "Twice."
Tuesday, 23 February 2016
Pick Up Lines Jokes
About Kannnadasan -
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