Christian Jokes

• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.




• If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? This Guy is a goldmine.

• If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.

• God grades on the cross, not the curve.

• What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.

• What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

• Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

• We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

• It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

• Did Noah include termites on the ark?

• Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good.

• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

• The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

• Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

• How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.

• If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

• Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.

• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

• Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

• The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

• There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.

• Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

• Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

• Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.

• Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

• Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

• In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.

• If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.

• Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

• Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.

• When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.

• I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.

• Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

• I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it.

• Which part of the Bible won't you find a black man? The Book of Job.

• Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

• Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

• If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it.

• Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction

• The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

• What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

• I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

• It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.