Death Jokes

• It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.




• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

• Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

• Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee niggas be evacuating like they need to.

• Smoking is a slow death! But we're not in a hurry…

• Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.

• According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

• Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

• How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

• I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.