Programmer Jokes

• Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: None. They just declare darkness the standard




• How many software programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
  None. "We'll document it in the manual."

• Q: How come legacy programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?
  
  A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 (Octal 31 = Decimal 25)

• There are 10 kinds of people:
  1. Those who understand binary.
  10. Those who don't understand this joke.

• A software engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an electrical engineer are carpooling to work, when suddenly the car stops running and they pull over.
  The mechanical engineer says, "I think it's a problem with the engine. I'll have to get out and inspect."
  The electrical engineer says, "No, no. It's got to be an electrical issue. I will grab my meter and troubleshoot to find out what is going on."
  The software engineer says, "Nuts to all that. Let's just get out and get back in again."

• Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.

• Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers. 
  1. You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven't had any caffeine in about 6 hours. 
  2. You wonder why on earth anyone would make a programming language conform to such absolutely bizarre rules of grammar but in a strange way it actually begins to make sense. 
  3. You start dreaming in recursion (if you have any time to dream). 
  4. You realize not only is it daytime but your project is due in 2 hours, which isn't enough time to even begin running it. 
  5. You start customizing your environment because you want it "just right" (and because further work on the program is futile). 
  6. You wonder when the invasion will begin. 
  7. You understand #8. 
  8. You start signing your name in octal (or binary) just because. 
  9. You know more programming commands than actual words. 
  10. You realize that you have reached the end, and there is no closing command. 

• How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 
  472. One to write WinGetLight BulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLight Bulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle.

• Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
  Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
  As well as:
  Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
  I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a globalproblem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think We ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction.

• An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
  
  An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
  
  A lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
  
  A computer scientist says; "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"