Hate Jokes

• I love oral sex... it's the phone bill I hate.




• Wow, this article looks awesome.*clicks link**finds out it's a slideshow**throws computer out the window*

• I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man – I hate those people.

• I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

• I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

• Men mostly hate two words: 'not' and 'enough'… unless you say them together.

• What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? "Honey, I'm home!"

• If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.

• I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

• I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

• I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

• Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

• I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

• What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? "Are you done?"

• Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

• Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too.

• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

• I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

• The three words most hated by men during sex? "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"