International Jokes

• Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
  A. "Row, row, row your boat..."




• A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
  
  Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
  
  The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
  
  The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

• A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars.
  
  He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"
  
  "Fluctuations." says the clerk.
  
  The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

• A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer,
  "What is your business in Australia?"
  
  "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply.
  
  The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?"
  
  Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one."

• Q: What do you call a chinese male prostitue?
  
  A: Gee Goh Low ( gigolo )

• Q: What do you call a Ukranian row boat?
  
  A: A hunkey dorey.

• Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
  
  A: A stick

• Q: What do you call a chinese person who's overweight?
  
  A: Wei Wan Tan (weigh one ton)

• An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where.
  
  The Russian said, "Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world."
  
  The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, "Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world."
  
  The Dane thought for a while then said: "I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once."
  
  They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, "Well maybe the ships wouldn't cover ALL of the ocean."
  
  The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, "Well, maybe the planes wouldn't cover all of the sky either I guess."
  
  The Dane stood there for a while thinking, and finally said, "Well, in all honesty the guy I knew might have lived a bit outside Odense actually."

• Some Polish people decide to start a chicken farm. They get some chickens and plant them in the ground, headfirst. When all the chickens die, the farmers are somewhat confused, but they don't give up.
  
  They get some more chickens, but these are planted feet-first. It takes a little longer, but eventually the second batch of chickens die, too.
  
  They decide to write a letter to the Polish agriculture bureau. In the letter they explain in detail the procedures they have followed and their disappointing results. A few weeks later
  they receive this reply from the bureau: "Before we can advise you, please send us a soil sample."

• Q: Whats the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?
  
  A: There's one less drunk.

• What do you name a retarded Chinese baby?
  
  "Sum Ting Wong"

• Q: Why do New Zealand horses run so fast?
  
  A: Because they saw what happened to the sheep!

• 1. A Book on how to Read
  2. Sumbarine with a screen door
  3. A dictionary with an Index
  4. Waterproof towl
  5. Glow-in-the-Dark Sunglasses
  6. Solar flashlight

• Q: What do a lobster and an asian run over by a steam roller have in common?
  
  A: They're both "crushed-asians"

• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

• Barbara Walters filed a report on gender roles in Kuwait a few years prior to the Gulf War, and noted then that, in traditional Islamic fashion, women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
  
  Recently, Barbara returned to Kuwait and observed that the MEN now walked several yards behind their wives.
  
  She approached one of the Kuwaiti women for an explanation.
  
  "This is marvelous," Barbara said. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
  
  The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."

• Americans and Russians were competing who would go to the moon and build more on it.
  
  The minister comes to the American president: Mister President, the Russians have already launched their spaceship!
  
  President: Yes, yes, let them!
  
  A few days later: Mister President, the Russians have already landed on the moon!
  President: Yes, yes, calm down!
  
  In a week: Mister President, it's the Russians, the started painting the moon red!
  President: That's fine, just fine!
  
  In a month: Mister President, the Russians have painted half the moon red, we'd better do something too!!
  President: No, no, don't worry!
  
  In two months: Mister President, the Russians have finished painting the moon, the whole moon is red now!!
  President: That's great, now send our spaceship up there to write Coca-Cola on it!